07 Avye
07/15/2007

GM: I take it from your responses that you are going to be fairly agressive in growing this placement - goldstone mining

Helena: If the mine has significant life, there is no reason not to. The main holdback is security, and advancing profitability can cover that, so that the advancement to investment can stop being linear.

GM: The specific mine may play out, but there are other locations on the continent, not to mention the world at large. This could be quite a long term operation, even by immortal standards.

Helena: Yes, then. It also makes a case for getting some researcher out there to come up with some "ecological solution" to the ground dragon attacks.

GM: By the end of the second trimester, your security measures have made great strides, and you're on the verge of a third shift of miners. The research has led to a sonic repellent that has excellent effectiveness.

Helena: Heh, I was just typing, "Some barrier of sound or vibration or chemical or whatever that they just naturally don't like." So glad to hear that has come to some fruition.

GM: It just took a while. Technology tends to be a tertiary solution in Chaos

Helena: I will make a forward investment then (ahead of profit) to get appropriate security for the third shift before implementing.

GM: You can manage that, even with the mechanical upgrades and on-site processing

Helena: Now need a total of 5 security leads instead of three.

GM: Do you remain to oversee implementation of the additional crew, even though you're almost full-time the entity form?

Helena: I've introduced the shape often enough. I take it that it is not unusual for Chaosian women to ... adopt some different shape for the comfort of their end-stage of pregnancy?

But I don't have to remain if I trust my people there.

GM: There are few full sentients in the operation, but it is a well-oiled machine. Many women find themselves trapped in human-form, or trapped in some fertility-goddess-like shape, especially for their first child.

Experience tends to diminish the restrictions the fetus can impose

Helena: Sounds like it would not be unacceptable or surprising to the few sentients on board for me to continue.

GM: Not terribly, no. Rarely do non-combatant females withdraw before their ninth month, unless their position requires shifting or some other strain

Helena: As for additional sentients, some experts in xeno-relations... we need to get flyovers and search patterns going for locating new sites.

Sounds like I get to stay.

GM: Done and done. Sure :-)

The remaining things to play - possibly - would be dealing with the entity form in Saras' bed, and the promise ceremony. And the ceremony I could gloss, I think

Helena: Frankly I think she asks Saras to help her "tough it out" a few times in their lovemaking. He has helped her forget before -- though admittedly it was when she had every expectation that the shape was temporary.
I would guess the ceremony is a gloss as well, unless Alma goes nuts and tries to make it a big public thing. Helena's desire was for a private registration, with Loren and Alma as her witnesses.

I could ask... did Saras have any requests in it?

GM: For the first, Saras would be quite willing to be patient again. He eventually admits that he has a certain affection for the form, as it was the shape you wore when you were first truly together. Any fallout from that?

Helena: I punch him playfully. Secretly I am hurt. Laugh about it. Tell him he's gonna have to "suffer" a lot, then, being as how the form is going to be around quite abit.

GM: Do you think you can hide how you really feel from him? I'll take your word, one way or the other.

Helena: No. but I can get over it. The whole thing is anger at myself. It is not Saras who hurt me by saying that. It is me, letting it hurt, because I can't f**king get over it.

So I am determined to get over it.

GM: He will call you on it, some days later, when you are still 'protesting too much' "Still it hurts, {beloved}?" whispered in the after.

Helena: I am working so hard not to think about this. "Mm. Yes. No. What do you want me to say?"

GM: "What has always been between us; the truth. Please. It hurts to be with you when you withdraw as you have."

Helena: "Yes, it still hurts. I hurt myself with it. My failure makes me feel weak, or... I feel weak because I am weak in this regard.

"I do not want to hurt you, and I will not let this thing get between us when I can master it with your help."

GM: "Would you have me do to help?"

Helena: "You are already doing it."

GM: "Do you require some caution on my part... or less caution?"

Helena: "I require that you love me as you desire to love me, and let my foolish protests starve for lack of attention."

GM: "Then that is what I shall do."

…and we'll revisit after the child is born, to see how profound her relief might be. ;-)

Helena: * nod *

GM: As for the ceremony, Alma makes no move to take it 'into the light'

Meanwhile... do you and Saras write your own promises?

Helena: Ah. You mean so the promises are between us and not including the fictional Zaran.

GM: Well, it is private. You can choose to 'live in sin' with Zaran if you prefer, while married to Saras.

Helena: I am happy to "marry" Zaran, as long as I don't have to register any oath to him. Kind of defeats the purpose of registering the oath, yes? So register our vows (between Saras and me) with Loren. Zaran and I claim to be married.

GM: Ah, I see. Married 'off the books' somewhere.

Helena: yes

GM: Sure, that should work. There may be the occasional pressure to marry for real from some lights of society, but that's nbd

Helena: As long as the legal situation of our children can be settled by contract.

GM: It can.

Helena: equivalent to children within marriage.

GM: Adoption, surrogacy, legitimacy and such are much more settled issues in Chaos.

Helena: Especially if / when there are children after the first.

GM: Yeah. Zaran would have first claim to any late-discovered inheritance from Saras, but he could will it to his father's child or his own, as he saw fit

Helena: right.

GM: Fairly simple, so long as the paperwork is kept up.

Helena: He married into a family with a particular penchant for getting that kind of thing sorted out.

GM: Should be nearly automatic, then.

Moving on, do you seek any birthing training in your final trimester, or trust in your shifter instincts?

Helena: I educate myself what to expect. Talk to Alma. Talk to friends who have birthed ... hmm, now that I think about it... I may only know one or two, or none :-P Women with normal family relationships who are on my friends list are in short supply. All us ex soldiers...

Anyway. Talk to Alma. Read. Do what I'm advised to do.

Saras is keeping me and our daughter checked up on, I presume.

GM: Alma may be your only live resource, and there is not a wealth of written material. However, Alma is very thorough and explicit. Your prenatal care is pretty much handled by 'Zaran' - to avoid awkward questions - but he seems competent... and Alma teaches him too.

Do you feel that is sufficient, or are you seeking a friend of a friend or some professional for a second opinion?

Helena: !? no. It wouldn't even occur to me.

GM: Ah, okay. So you're comfortable going forward this way, then?

Helena: Totally. I have no worries at all. Supremely confident.

GM: Your confidence proves well-founded. The day arrives, you feel some small pressure - a signal that you and your daughter are ready to part ways. Is your arrangement similar to Alma's? You, Saras, Alma & Loren?

Who will receive and who will cut the cord?

Helena: Sounds right. Saras will receive. Alma support. Loren or Saras or Alma cut the cord.

GM: They make you decide about the cord ;-)

Helena: Loren

Her name is Avye. (Keeper of the Gate)

GM: You settle in, choose to enter labor, and the delivery takes a bit less than an hour... quite smooth.

You are put at ease, and Avye is placed in your arms....

Helena: "Her father's hair..."

GM: Yup, a little swirl on her crown... dark enough green to look black.

(bedroom or elsewhere for the birthing chair?)

Helena: Someplace all four of us can feel comfortable... the sunken part of the living room.

GM: (cool) Alma beaming, Loren so proud, Saras complimenting your work... all a buzz around her beautiful newborn form. You're on a couch now

Helena: Looking forward to feeding her... to seeing her in her father's arms.

GM: She is quiet after her initial cries are done. Let her go to Saras until she hungers?

Helena: yes. Just to witness his eyes meeting hers. And have a chance to hug my own father.

GM: He looks like he's about to melt. Loren hugs you, though he is also busy with settling you properly on the couch. Always so efficient.

Helena: He can't help himself. I laugh a little, slapping his hand. "I'm fine, Father."

GM: He fusses a moment more, then relents. "Well done, my daughter, well done. My granchild is beautiful... perfect."

Alma's eye is full of joyful tears, but she nods her agreement.

Helena: I kiss her.

GM: She kisses both your cheeks, then perches beside you, watching Saras with your child. Avye begins to fuss, and Saras brings her over. Alma reminds you how to hold her, how to settle and engage her... very gentle coaching of something you could hardly practice.

Helena: I am grateful.

GM: A profound sharing, even after being one being for so many months.

Helena: I want to feel this love always. I want to go to sleep in it.

GM: Saras stays close, stroking your hair... steering away a few strays. Family together.

How long before you have the twins brought in to meet their neice?

Helena: There is not much "meeting" for many months, I imagine ;-). But I visit Alma more, stay with her and with Avye while she is taking care of Frey and Freya.

GM: Well, they are only 6mo at this point, so I guess I see your point. Alma stays with you the first few days, the twins spending a night or two and living on transferred milk elsewise.

Helena: Right. I enjoy having her and being taken care of and having her teach me things :-)

GM: She loves every minute of being a grandma.

Helena: A few days after that I start keeping at least remote track of the mining project again... taking reports and so on. Things I can do while Avye sleeps.

GM: Simple enough. You could go back to work in a few days, had you any desire to be away from Avye... but I imagine you'll wait a while

Helena: Yeah, not much interested in travelling away from her. But if I'm needed for a quick site inspection or meeting within a couple of weeks we can manage that.

GM: Sure.

How soon do you start training again?

Helena: Doing flexibility and strength stuff as close to right away as seems reasonable. Basic shifting when Saras advises it's okay... progressing as he thinks wise.

GM: He has you wait a few days... store some milk in case you strain yourself somehow. You're full speed in just under a week

Helena: Cool. I can't help but be pleased with that.

GM: Start getting into the serious kata, or are you holding back yet?

Helena: If he thinks it's medically okay, I go for it as soon as I am able.

GM: He gives you his blessing. Do you start at the top, then?

Work the routine, addressing each problem as it comes up?

Helena: Of course. Always begin correctly.

Always starts with awareness of every cell and space and connection. Remaking of self as self, in whatever starting shape is chosen.

Then a pause of complete stillness, all processes paused utterly, an instant of controlled death. The next moment, from bottom to top, a quick replacement to demon form. (quoted)

GM: Sense of being a step away from your true self - assuming you are in your preferred form

Sense of steps again - you to her to her demon to your demon

Helena: (I started... whereever I was that day.)

I am running through the kata unless I make an actual mistake, not counting the "natural" switches as mistakes, just to see how far I can get. The delay of the two extra forms would not be acceptable in teaching, competition, or battle, but it is ... tolerable here.

GM: Okay. Next step, then....

Helena: Martial forms while running the rippling shifts, maintaining complete control.

GM: Those are fairly even... changes are solid, well managed.

You are distracted by the changes your daughter wrought, but not much - carrying milk and such -

Helena: right. those are part of the baseline form in this exercise.

GM: That helps some. Next step....

Helena: partial changes. martial kata with the striking limb hardening and returning at the speed of the exercise. with alternating changes, with flashes of hardening at exposed points. going to air and back.

These become quite fast... up to the speed at which I can do the martial forms without my shifting.

GM: Air and back is slow... a little strain showing. Pure martial forms are smooth.

(and FYI, the move you used to kill Julian takes enough time to be avoided by anyone much over Amber Warfare)

Helena: ... ah, some work to do there, I see, and tag it mentally ...

(that I knew. It was in the description ;-) )

GM: Form continues?

Helena: Yes....

GM: Next....

Helena: form changes with no ripple at all. Complete. Exact. Starting slow and at a regular rhythm. Human. Demon. Air. Human. Demon. Air. Then adding hybrid and use-based forms: Human. Soft Demon. Air in two portions. Hard Demon. Hard human. Demon sight in human eye. And then the rhythm gets faster and less regular.

The final is a stasis point, hovering with no form, ready to take any form, held as long as possible (usually a shade under a fraction of a second ;-) )

GM: Lots of delays and hiccups, but none so rough as to kick you from form. The Avatar form crosses your mind a time or two, but does not enter the sequence unless you add it.

Stasis at the end is disrupted, ending you just before you wished

Helena: Still, the first time I've pushed myself to finish.

GM: Not too bad, then. You're starting to parse what went wrong with the stasis....

Helena: I will add the Avatar form when I've gotten rid of more of the hiccups, I figure.

GM: Saras comes out with Avye in his arms, and the lemur trails, carrying a pitcher of juice for you.

Helena: I sit and invite the lemur onto my knee, and drink a full glass of juice before taking Avye. A scrub on the head for Boss, too. And a kiss for Saras.

GM: "How are you, {beloved}?" handing Avye off... long kiss during

Helena: "Mmm. Just finished, actually. Thinking the work through."

GM: "You don't look too frustrated," he observes, smiling.

Helena: "A few mistakes, a lot of pauses, but nothing that stopped me." I smile back.

GM: Boss runs after a thrown ball from the lemur... who climbs down to give you room for your daughter... the pitcher at your feet now. Saras: "That is good news."

Avye begins rooting

Helena: I laugh happily at her, and after a quick double check that everything in this form is correct, I let her nurse.

GM: Everything seems in order, and there is only the briefest hesitation while you relax enough to let down.

Helena: I sigh a moment in happy silence.

GM: Saras kisses your cheek, Avye's head.

Helena: I watch the animals play, and let my mind wander to what my pause points and hiccups were, and what was the interruption with the final form.

GM: Hmm... the final form developed an instability. You might have to spend time rebalancing to your current situation.

Off balance from the new centers of gravity, chemically and imprint speaking.

Nursing wouldn't matter for that part.

Helena: A matter of practice of the kata, or of the individual forms, or of something else?

GM: Something in the individual forms. You might need to take better stock of the less-used forms, and perhaps practice more in some cases.

Using 'her' shape as your base might lend some insights as well

Helena: I make note of the things I resolve to do.

Would I gain any benefit by returning to my original shift master, do I think? Or is that Just Not Done?

GM: Well, if she were alive, that would be... unusual, but not unheard of. Unfortunately, the War claimed her.

Helena: Ah, well, then.

Are there other masters of such skill?

GM: There are. Not many, but a few. Only one left in Jesby that you know of.

Helena: Someone trustworthy? Someone Father trusts? ... I'd guess, likely not, given he gave my training to someone else :-P But I'm willing to ask him.

That's all for the future, though. I know what to do in the short-to-medium term.

GM: The Jesby master is a student of the generation just before yours. Hardly known to you, except when he was senior student and you were new. He was a harsh teacher. Reputable, but not a kind hand

Helena: Depending how far I get, that may not matter in my decision, so long as he is trusted.

GM: How quickly do you arrange to ask?

Helena: Next couple of weeks, unless I feel the problem is going to completely resolve based on my "return to starting forms" strategy.

By completely resolve I mean "eventually with practice completely resolve," not completely resolved in those few weeks.