13 - Fencing with Saras

//--Saras
Saras completes his warm-up, and observes yours, with as much professional detachment as ever. His eyes have a mixed analytical and predatory cast, mixing what he must learn with his instincts as soldier and survivor. Your nerves seem to sing as they should, and you have no trouble getting motivated to face him. Then, you proceed to the practice drill, blade to blade, and that goes well. You find no gaps in your speed as of yet.

"We have several things to establish, so perhaps a shorter bout will do. To twenty?" he asks, hardening his hand for Bravo. "If you feel fit after our final determinations are made, I'd like you to have something left for a true match, without the burden of our questions. It will relax us both for the work ahead."

//--Helena
I grin from the side of my mouth, and give him a salute with my blade to answer.

//--Saras
Regardless of how long the match goes, you quickly discover that you are not so far behind him in skill now with the first dial up, scoring once for each pair of his hits, and managing to string three or four together at one point without the benefit of having tired him out. There is only one moment where you feel you might have been faster, (the lag effect from before) but that could be your mind playing tricks, as you were trying to retreat from a feint-trap that drew you dangerously out of line. However, your strength advantage is gone with the second dial down, such that you cannot risk pressing him at all without taking a hit and risking worse. Indeed, just shy of his final point, he forces a one-handed bind that nearly pries the blade from your hand.

Despite that, he seems pleased at your improvement elsewhere, and the joy of competition clearly lurks beneath his professional demeanor. "I think we'll leave One there, and wait until tomorrow to see if there are any ill effects. Do you want a break, or shall we check your blood and dial up Two to match?" You aren't the least bit tired, even if you insisted on a full match, and Saras seems fit. Your hand has taken significantly less abuse this time, although fine calligraphy with the left hand should wait a bit.

//--Helena
"I'm fine, actually. If that's the next step, let's do it. I would say I'm almost up to speed again. I found a very brief lag at one point, but the effect is almost completely mitigated. It appears I would have to max that one out to get back to my remembered level of performance."

//--Saras
"Well, let's check your blood. If there's nothing untoward there..." and one test later, there is nothing wrong that he sees. "Sure, go to 100 for One, and either 95 or 100 on Two... say 95 for now, since you won't have had as much time to adjust."

//--Helena
I will then change the remaining dial to whereever he suggests, and either nudge up or leave alone the "reaction speed dial," following the same procedures as before.

//--Saras
You sit, sleep, enter, switch, and return. Another match to twenty ensues... and oh what a match it is. With your strength mostly returned, and your speed back to normal, it is very nearly an even fight back and forth. The final score is 20-18, with you just barely able to keep him off of you for the win. Saras has a finger dangling, and your glove is shredded - with the hand within it not faring much better - but both of you had a great time.

"You are every bit what I had heard, and more, Helena. How do you feel?" he asks, as he holds his finger to reattach. Your hand needs bandaging, but you feel good - more like 'you' than you have in days.

//--Helena
I nod, recovering my breath. "Pretty well. Almost as well as I can without shifting, I'd say."

//--Saras
Unless you have some concern, he asks, "Are you okay staying at 95 on Two until tomorrow, just to make sure there are no side effects?"

//--Helena
"Seems reasonable."

//--Saras
Then, "If you can hazard another glove big enough for the gauze, are you up for another round... just for us this time?"

//--Helena
I was checking my hand, but look up eagerly when he suggests it. "Another of bravo? Or fencing or a melee? Assuming this jacket is good enough, of course. And I have masks if you didn't bring one. Bravo's good by me if you'd rather not push this while we're still working."

//--Saras
"I'm sure these suits will stand anything a practice blade will offer, and I would be a poor sport if you didn't get to choose the contest at least a few times. Find us masks and foils, and we can fence." Smiling, "You realize, now, that may be more my sport. Are you prepared to sacrifice your strength advantage, {Beloved}?" the old Thari word at the end inflected as if you were married.

//--Helena
I blink and blush, slightly, which feels a little odd in this face. Still I answer his question with a magnanimous smile. "I did also suggest the melee, as you recall, and even in fencing I would prefer the epee. But certainly I am willing to fence you foil. How shall I improve if not by working with those who are my betters?"

//--Saras
He can't help but smile at your blush, even though you feel his affectionate word was a slip of the tongue rather than a measured tease. "Tomorrow, epee, or the melee with baton or the blades of your choice. I, too, relish the challenge of facing one whom I know can defeat me."

//--Helena
I retrieve my own mask and one that seems it will fit him well from the cabinet, and a pair of foils, old but still in good condition.

I get him to help me set chalk lines for the strip, and after a few test lunges to recall my reach with this weapon, I bow to him and call the bout on.

//--Saras
He takes some care with the preparations, a ritual remembered well, and rust quickly forgotten. His bow in return is sharp, his eyes never leaving yours.

//--Helena
I am aware of his speed advantage, yes, but my strength will not be totally lost in it. When I can achieve either a beat or a bind, I will do them full out. I may not win that way, but I should be able to score at least a few within the five hits I allow him.

//--Saras
After a long sounding out, Saras manages the first hit, but your quick return to the line scores in return. You are indeed able to make good use of your strength for another point later, but he does not let you bring that to bear a second time. At last, he prevails five to three.

He offers a final salute, and then, "Another evening, I look forward to as many contests as we can come up with." He doffs his mask. "Shall we do something quieter for a time, or prepare for the rest of our work straight away?"

//--Helena
I pull my mask off also before replying. "I could enjoy this the rest of the evening, but I suppose it does not bring me any closer to returning to my commission." A wan smile crosses my face as I look over his body, his broad shoulders emphasized by the fencing jacket, and I have to comment. "In fact, I could divert myself with you a long while. But again, it seems too easy for the time to slip away."

//--Saras
Eyes warring with desire and so much other emotion, "I concur... but I content myself with the thought that I might rediscover you fully soon, if all goes well."

He helps clean and put away all that you used in your contests, openly affectionate at times, in contrast to the brushing and blushing of your last time spent this way.

//--Helena
I return his affection, but not so much as to lead myself astray.

//--Saras
He, too, is careful not to take things too far.

Afterward, he sends you to the bath, taking his ease in a chair that he covered with a towel against his perspiration. "It may be a while before you can move, so you may wish to cloth-bind your hair. I have little talent for managing such things beyond my own person, and you will not want any extraneous discomforts in addition to the ones we cannot avoid."

//--Helena
Before going I direct him towards some images that might help him in a couple of photo albums, and of course he may review the security tapes, though there will only be a few images of me since I only entered and worked in the office a couple of times before this... change. As for my work in motion, I am sure I can recall some recent kata work before a mirror, plus there is my internal feel for my body image -- though even I know that will be a little inaccurate from an external viewpoint.

//--Saras
Saras assures you that he has enough, although you sense some concern on his part that did not arise when he worked to restore your face.

//--Helena
Then I bathe and braid back my hair in such a way that it will not trouble me while resting nor be easily damaged.

//--Saras
When you return, you find Saras fussing with the final arrangements of a particularly durable-looking (and perhaps disturbingly stain resistant) broad cot, complete with blood channels and restraint loops. "Are you ready?" he asks.

//--Helena
(We have this set up in the bedroom, I suppose? There is enough room, and it doesn't open directly towards my office entrance.)

//--GM
(The bedroom works, although my initial thought was the lower living room, since the chairs have already been pushed out from before. If there are enough open spaces in the bedroom, he would set up there.)

//--Helena
(There would be, if he put the dressing chairs aside.)

I nod, and find I can joke. "If only this were some ungentlemanly ploy to get me into restraints."

//--Saras
"And here I thought I had used up all your submissiveness for the foreseeable future..." he teases back.

//--Helena
"You have, which is why you would need..." I grin. "Ah, never mind."

//--Saras
"You inspire me to ensure your quick recovery, Helena, if only to test your bravado sooner." Then, more professionally, "It's mostly for traction, in case your spine takes issue with what I have to do to correct your redistribution. If things go particularly well, I won't have you in any more than a shoulder harness until you wake up," and he hands you the harness in question to put on, not much more restrictive than wearing a frame backpack

Once that's settled, he helps you find a comfortable position on the cot, making one or two more minor adjustments to get you completely supported. "I won't be able to cover you up until I'm finished; will you be warm enough?" As he asks, he takes a little red sphere from his work tray and hands it to you. "Don't put that in your mouth until you're done talking to me." It's almost 2 cm across, so you're hoping you don't have to swallow it.

//--Helena
I grimace a little as I take it, but answer his question before asking my own. "I should be warm enough. If the temperature goes down, the thermostat's just aound the doorway in the living room. So... what does it do?" I hold up the sphere in my fingers.

//--Saras
"It is a mixture of conjured compounds and my own humors, intended to relax your muscles and link you more firmly to me while I shift you. If I have judged your chemistry properly, you will be spared some pain, and should be quieted enough to keep you from injuring yourself if things do get bad. It will likely cause some numbness and loss of motor function, so don't be alarmed... and it will go down easier than it appears."

//--Helena
"Um. Wonderful." I look at him soberly. "I'm sorry this is..."

//--Saras
"...I know."

//--Helena
I give up, and return to a joke. "I hope the embassy job pays well."

//--Saras
He smiles. "The Ambassador seems a fair-minded woman."

//--Helena
(Unless he indicates he is not ready...) I put the red sphere in my mouth and swallow it. Then I settle myself back down, adjusting to get comfortable in the frame.

//--GM
The lozenge hits more rapidly than you anticipated, almost crawling down your throat under its own power, leaving a warm fuzzy feeling in its wake. By the time your shoulders are down, it feels impossible to lift them, and any expression of surprise comes out as a quiet rush of air. Saras clips the harness to the cot. It looks snug, but you can't feel any tightness... or really much of anything now. After a final look in your eyes, he passes his hand over your face, and your lids close. Only his psychic presence cues you to the presence of his hands over your heart and belly.

What follows is a sensation like having teeth drilled without anesthetic, but in waves from head to toe. (If she had any voice for it, even Helena would be driven to at least small noises in the worst moments.) After a long time, Saras' mind whispers, "Sleep," and you do.

You awaken feeling as if you had fallen down the stairs to Kolvir's heights without missing a single unforgiving stone riser. Saras is kneeling beside you, just barely asleep, his eyes bruised dark from his efforts. Beneath the blanket, is that you? Had he decided not to do his work in stages after all? Pain blunts your perception, but somehow your hips seem too square, your middle too hard, your breasts too small to be a good likeness of who you were before at rest. With supreme effort, you might be able to move the blanket to see, but your body wishes only stillness.

//--Helena
I think this through a moment, and realize at this point the mis-proportions--if they are so, given that I can't raise my head to look--hardly matter. What matters is that other form, her form, is no longer recognizable, and that I should be able to function within the next few days. Some malady of shapeshifting I can explain. And I will have Saras by my side to attend me.

It is not worth the pain and effort to sit up or raise my head, but it is worth the effort to lift my hand and place it gently on his head.

//--Saras
Saras eyes open, red on red from his work, but he smiles for you through it. "It is done, {Beloved}," this time giving the proper - 'courting' - inflection to his last word. Gently, he returns your hand to your side, but he lets his fingers linger lightly on your wrist; a place where the pain is little, or at least less.

"Do you think you can drink, or do you want me to hang an IV?" he croaks, sounding parched himself. Has he moved from your side at all in the time you've been out?

//--Helena
I test my voice. "I would like to drink. I don't know if I can."

//--GM
Your voice is tiny and dry, but audible enough.

//--Saras
He rises, slowly, and drags himself to the kitchen, returning a bit more quickly than he left, with a small-tube sports bottle in hand. A gentle squeeze moistens your lips, and you find that you can swallow. In between offerings, he drains a tall glass of juice, finally taking some time to care for himself.

When you are as hydrated as you can bear, he sets the bottle down. "The lozenge should have worn off by now, so what you feel should be true enough. Is the pain manageable, or do you need help to sleep?"

//--Helena
I consider. "It don't think I want to move around, but lying still is not so bad. I guess I don't feel like I want to sleep, but I probably should." I frown. "I think something to help me sleep would be a good idea."

//--Saras
"I will give you four hours, and see how you feel." He settles his hand more firmly, and you feel him psychically ordering your body down. Mentally, he 'whispers' I will hear if you awaken early. I may sleep, but I will be right here, I promise. And then you sleep.

//--GM
When you awaken, the pain is not nearly so bad; the soreness now merely approaches a sound thrashing, as opposed to a thousand stair fall. Saras is sprawled on the near edge of the bed, and you see him stir as soon as you open your eyes. Do you want to try moving, or remain still a while longer?

//--Helena
I remain still except to gently turn my head so I can watch Saras and offer him a small smile.

When he gets up and seems himself, I will ask for more water. Then I will ask, "So, {Beloved}, how did we do?"

//--Saras
He smiles at your endearment. When he crouches beside you, he still looks whipped, but his eyes are neither so dark or so bloodshot. "Well. Remarkably well. I could sleep a week or two, but I feel confident you will retain this shape until you call on me to change you again. When you feel up to standing, you can inspect my work in detail. I'm not entirely satisfied with the curve of your calves, and I think I may have left your breasts too large (the opposite of your impression), but those were my last few projects, and I plead fatigue." He smiles softly, too tired to apologize.

"Would it bother you if I ate? Do you want to try something more substantial than fruited water for yourself?"

//--Helena
"Not at all. I should try to eat something myself, I suppose, and eventually make my way to the bathroom.

"Can you help me stand?"

However difficult that may be, I end the effort upright and hugging him for a long moment.

//--Saras
It is a bit awkward, almost like this isn't the body you remember, and both legs feel like you're not quite healed enough from breaking them, but you can stand without too much drama, at least for a little while. Saras takes a beat longer than usual to realize the transition from helping to hugging, but he does catch on, and whispers small, supportive endearments until you ease back.

After a comfortable little silence, "I think I saw fixings for a decent soup in there. That might be all I'm up for eating anyway." He kisses your forehead tenderly "May I camp out in your bathtub for an hour or three after I've fed you and put you to bed?"

//--Helena
I nod. "Please make yourself at home here. Please. And if you would take care of Boss for me? Usually he goes and gets one of the servants to help him if I'm not home, but I think that would be... a little inconvenient right now. Instructions are in the cupboard by his food."

//--Saras
"Once our meal is started, I'll see to him, of course. It is no trouble."

//--Helena
I start to walk gingerly towards the bathroom, but stop and say, "Soup sounds wonderful, by the way. I saw there were some olive oil crackers in the supplies, too. They're really nice."

//--Saras
"I'll lay out some for us to share."

//--GM
Your business done, you pause at the mirror. It is a good likeness, but your mind wars with itself as to its accuracy. You cannot decide if some proportions are too much or too little, and there is a sense of 'Greek statue' to your lines; like perhaps he 'perfected' you a bit.

//--Helena
But I don't perceive the mis-proportions I thought I felt earlier? Breasts and hips to boyish? My guess was that in comparison to what I'd been carrying the past couple of days, the change just _felt_ too extreme. What do my eyes tell me?

And I don't see the bruising it feels I have?

//--GM
The earlier sense is much less now, and your eyes say that you are slim, but clearly not boyish (unless 'boyish' would somehow describe how you originally looked). It is most likely as you guessed; too big a change after such extreme proportions... but there is also an unsettling sense of some part of you 'missing' how you were at the periphery of your perceptions; where this is coming from you don't know. As you've never been shifted by another before, perhaps this is a natural reaction, but under the circumstances, it is unsettling.

//--Helena
I will think on this feeling. I don't want to mention anything until I have felt it out more.

And I don't see the bruising it feels I have?

//--GM
It feels deep, like bone bruises... and yes, there's nothing visible on the surface of your skin, except maybe a bit of shading around your finger joints and maybe your ankles. You were 'injured' from the inside out, after all.

When you manage your exit, the soup is already beginning to smell good, and Boss is happily munching. Saras is leaning heavily against the bar, watching the pot with half-lidded eyes. Did you try to dress, sore as you are?

//--Helena
No. If there's any chill to the air I'll pull on a robe.

//--GM
The house is warmer now than when you went under, the windows closed and perhaps the heat up.

//--Saras
Saras turns to smile at your return, still alert enough despite his fatigue, and then uses the small momentum of your presence to stir the soup and consider how far along his meal is. Boss abandons his meal to come sniff you, a hint of worry in his hang-dog expression.

//--Helena
I rub his ears and comfort myself and him. Then with a final scritch and a "go finish your dinner," I head over to where Saras is sitting and join him. Breathing in long and slow to avoid overstretching my bruised ribs, I finally smile. "I think you have done well with me. Would you agree? Were there any... unexpected difficulties?" I take a bowl of the soup and begin eating hungrily, hardly tasting it.

//--Saras
Boss seems satisfied after your exchange, but you don't think his enthusiasm will entirely rebound until you are in a bit less pain.

Saras replies, "Nothing particularly unexpected. It was as difficult as I anticipated, perhaps a shade less. When the bone work was done, I felt... uncomfortable with the way you were distributed, and I didn't want to prolong your pain, so I chose to finish all the work in that one long session. I did feel a bit challenged to put aside the version of you I had made love to in favor of the you I was seeking a few times, hence my concern for some of the details late in the process." He looks over you appraisingly. "I am glad to hear that you feel I've done well with you. To be trusted so with the body of a lover... I had many concerns beyond your health."

The bowl is large and the soup hearty; you may even be satisfied with the one serving Saras set before you.

//--Helena
Between mouthfuls I say sincerely, "If there had been anyone else we could have trusted to bring in on this on such short notice... Well, I would not have done that to you if it could have been helped. I am grateful you were willing at all and sorry for the circumstances that caused it to have to happen that way.

"I can hardly imagine how hard that must have been for you. I was only the patient; I did not have to fear the way you must have." I hold my hand out to his face, the protest from my shoulder not strong enough to keep me from connecting with him.

//--Saras
He settles his hand over yours, but does not hold you there. A small but solemn nod acknowledges your apology. "I am glad to have upheld your trust, {Beloved}." Then, at the end of your bowl, "Do you wish more to eat, or can I put my patient to bed? You needn't sleep if there is no more in you, but you should rest until your bones forgive. I think your papers can wait, but perhaps a book to pass the time?"

//--Helena
"I can sleep, I think. And you need a break." I smile wearily.

//--Saras
"Thank you, Helena. I will make myself comfortable in the living room when I am done, if you're still asleep." It's apparent that the bath is calling to him; the meal could only do so much.

Is Helena amenable to 'doctor's orders'? Might Boss try to join you on the bed, or has he been trained better?

//--Helena
He'll come up there if I invite him. If he's asking, and Saras is away in the tub, I will. Poor guy must be very worried.

//--GM
Boss lies down beside you, his head near your hand, but not brushing against you anywhere, watching over you as you get comfortable, and 'guarding' you while you sleep.

//--Helena
So, I sleep until I'm awakened again by Saras or some other need or interruption.

//--GM
You are awakened some time later by a light Trump contact. The lights are out in most of your Ways, and the temperature is down slightly from what it was. You feel significantly better, but perhaps not well disposed to haste just yet.

//--Helena
I stir myself enough to rise onto one elbow, and accept the contact. What time of day does it seem from the windows?

//--GM
You have lost the last of the day, and it is evening again, but not solidly night.

//--Loren
It is Loren at the other end of the Trump contact. "Helena, are you well? I do not mean to interrupt, but we did not establish when you might be leaving for Amber. How proceeds your treatment?"

//--Helena
"Father." That simple greeting almost overcomes me, but I smile over the turmoil of emotion. "I am well enough. I can probably travel by tomorrow, though I will not be completely recovered. Here..." I pull back the covers, sit up and turn my profile one way, then the other so that he can see. "Your recommendation for a physician was excellent, I think. I presume you saw my drafts of the contracts?"

//--Loren
"I have hardly seen you look better, my daughter," smiling slightly to see you so pleased and so moved. "You look shifted for a King's Audience," a high compliment. "I have seen the drafts, and I have no complaint with the language. The Knight Protector; he pledged himself to Embassy alone in your presence, forgoing old Hendrake?"

//--Helena
"Informally, yes. I believe he has also discussed this with his superiors there and quit his prior commission. We will certainly attend to that detail formally when he signs. I believe I put such language in the second contract, the security one.

//--Loren
"Yes, so I saw. You have my approval, and my seconding awaits only the signature of the former Knight Protector."

//--Helena
"I think..." I stop that track and come up with a way to make it lighter, "You can tell Alma that I would ask the Knight Protector accompany me even were he not the Embassy's employee. We have become very close."

//--Loren
"She will be pleased." He considers for only an instant before adding, "We are both well pleased."

//--Helena
I smile, and feel a bit of a blush.

//--Loren
It is clear that Loren has never seen you thus (barring some crush in your youth, perhaps), but there is no teasing or hidden concern in his regard. Indeed, he seems proud of your choice and your reaction, a kind paternal nod his only comment.

Another pause, and a switch of conversational tack, "I will keep you informed of... developments here. Let the Knight Protector know that he has my ear, if there is anything further he wishes to discuss." Less formally, "I presume you will allow him access to your Trumps as he requires? He has never been in the habit of carrying them."

//--Helena
"So he has mentioned. He will be sitting for two himself, so long as we can use our trusted man. And I will tell him he may contact you freely.

//--Loren
"Such a sitting may take a week or more to arrange, but I will see it done, out of respect for the Old Man's concerns," referring casually to Saras, an old endearment between friends.

//--Helena
"Alma remains improved? Having some measure of her past burden, I can only be grateful to have had some hand in her relief."

//--Loren
Loren actually blushes, though he does regain his composure quickly. "She has returned to her old form, in so many ways. Though I regret the cost, I can only thank you for the result. She... we are saved from a long darkness, my beloved daughter."

//--Helena
And last, "Thank you, Father, for all you have done. I will see Mother before I leave tomorrow."

//--Loren
"She has spoken of you often. I am sure she will be pleased to see you, although her emotions may run high. She has, thankfully, forgotten much of her torment, but she knows what you have given up for her."

//--Helena
When Loren closes the contact I will get up fully and slowly stretch -- not enough to hurt myself, just to gently exercise the abused muscles of my form. When I am done I will drink more water, and then go out to the living room to find my love.

//--GM
You find that your muscles have some forgiveness for you, though there are still deep aches to be found. Walking is no longer a mincing thing, but running would bring you grief. When your thirst is addressed, you find that you hunger, but not uncomfortably so.

Saras is reclining in the lower bowl of the living room, his head far enough back that he nearly faces the ceiling. He no longer looks so worn, but he is sound asleep yet. Boss follows you out of the bedroom, less guarded in his customary happy, waiting to see if someone will go run with him.

//--Helena
I may not be ready to run with him, but we can go for a walk. He can lap me to the pond if he wants :-). I dress and grab some snack things for a waist pouch and a flashlight, and head out quietly through the patio doors, which I will leave open in case Saras wakes and wonders where I am.

//--GM
Boss takes what he is given with canine joy, but does not run as far from you as his usual habit, staying close to keep you 'safe' in this safe place.

//--Helena
I'll go to the pond and eat my snacks and listen to frogs and nightjars with the flashlight off. When Boss has had his run and my eyes adjust so that the house is the brightest thing around, I head back along the path.

//--GM
The snacks gone quiets your belly, but you know you will be hungry again after a while. You are feeling more yourself now, although there is the occasional movement where you can feel yourself holding your arms out farther for encumbrances no longer present.

//--Helena
I aim to wake Saras enough to get him to bed, so I can fall asleep again beside him.

//--Saras
He stirs as you enter the house, and a quiet word opens his eyes. "Huh? Oh..." he mutters, sleepily accepting your invitation, but not letting you help him up. He falls into bed a bit heavily, not bothering to discard his nightshirt, but his arms open to hold you, and his last wakeful act is to kiss you tenderly.

Some hours later, but still well before dawn, you awaken to feel Saras' eyes on you. How long he had been watching you sleep? "Are you well?" he asks, and you find that you have to go looking for soreness now. You are hungry, but not unmanageably so.

//--Helena
I stretch and smile. "Starving. But I could survive a little while longer before wasting away. You?"

//--Saras
"I could eat, but I didn't wish to move until you woke." He smiles softly. "Thank you for inviting me back. I slept much better with you beside me...."

//--Helena
I pull him down to kiss me. "Loren contacted me last night. He is eager for us to get to Amber; he's approved the contracts which you can look over and sign in his offices today. And..." I can't help but smile even more brightly, remembering his reaction, "he and mother are very happy that we are together. He said to pass on to you that he would make himself available to you at any time."

//--Saras
The kiss is long and sweet. He smiles at your news, and you can see the metaphorical gears turning in his mind.

//--Helena
"I feel pretty well. After we eat and do any packing we need to do, would you want to visit with Alma with me? I want to see her before we go. Otherwise you could go to Loren's and sign those contracts instead of us going together."

//--Saras
"Perhaps we should split up to expedite our departure. Much as I'd like to catch up with Alma, I can almost guarantee that any visit would be a long one. Do tell her that I will try to give her a day when next we return, though. I would relish seeing her well."

//--Helena
"That makes sense. I'll tell her, definitely."

//--Saras
After a thoughtful pause, "What will our housing arrangements be in Amber? Shall I be a kept man, or will the Embassy Surgeon be provided his own quarters?"

//--Helena
I laugh -- gently! "Given the buildings provided us so far, we would have no trouble doing either. Certainly you will want an office, perhaps two if you wish to keep your security function separate, though we've already arranged a gathering room and locker for the people I have already hired. As for living arrangements, we can put your quarters next to mine or down the hall... or expand my own quarters by a room or two. If you are ready." I realize I have left something unsaid. "I mean that, _if_ you are ready, I would like you to stay with me there, and see how we go."

//--Saras
"I was hoping that you might offer, actually. We've hardly been underfoot of each other thus far, and it would be good to see how waking up next to each other each day treats us." He kisses you.

//--Helena
"I love you, Saras. Whatever else is happening, this makes me happy." I kiss him back.

//--Saras
"Offices - yes, plural - are non-negotiable, but the doctor's office can be a part of the Embassy infirmary, and I would gladly share the seat with your Security Chief for the other. I leave the specifics of our living arrangements to you. All I own I brought with me, so clearly I will need little space."

//--Helena
I roll onto my side towards him to pull my belly against his. My hand moves to the small of his back to trace the V of muscle above his admirable ass. I lift my chin to trace the underside of his jaw with kisses.

//--Saras
A warm, appreciative noise purrs up from deep within him. "Do you wish a more... hand-on inspection of my work, {Beloved}?" Clearly, he is already 'up' for it.

//--Helena
I move my hips slightly against his and feel the ache within me immediately in answer. "Serpent, yes," I breathe. "I want you. To see me."

//--Saras
After a small amount of foreplay - a bit of nibbling and sucking that might have been slightly unwelcome in your more unfortunate shape - he does his best to give you all you wish for. He does not shy away from any exploration on your part either, and even in the dim light, you note that his hair remains shot with distinguished gray.

//--Helena
That makes me smile inwardly... but it's so hard to tell since everything about these moments makes me smile when I am not swept away by some surprise moment of intensity. I give myself over to feeling the whole of him against me, my greater height and thinner structure making the angles of his body new to me again.

//--Saras
He smiles at your newness; the experience of it for him and for you. His hands seem experienced, not missing a sweet spot that might have moved a bit in your reconstruction.

//--Helena
I use my returning strength to guide him and help drive him, holding us together to deepen our union when I shudder into a quiet climax that is more of love and release than lustful frenzy.

//--Saras
His release is softer than previous, but heartfelt, and seems well timed with your own.

//--Helena
Some time later, when he, too is spent and we have held each other a while, I slide out of our bed to wash quickly before eating and packing and rushing break the idyll of our morning.

//--GM
How do you dress for the day ahead?
How much - and what - do you pack?
Will Boss come along again? Do you bring him for your visit with Alma, or leave him here to be picked up later?

//--Helena
I dress in comfortable dress clothing, appropriate to arriving at the Embassy when not "on the clock" in any official capacity.

//--GM
You note, while wriggling into undergarments for the first time in a while, that perhaps Saras did make you a bit larger on top than you were previously. It's not a particularly uncomfortable increase in volume, but noticeable.

//--Helena
I make note of it mainly by putting aside something I know fit well. I can worry about it when we next have to make adjustments, if my own form and shifting ability have not reasserted themselves by then.

I pack more than previously, basically emptying my closet of wear for human form and (perhaps living in hope) a few of the very formal demon form outfits - gowns, basically. I'll make a last check of the security tapes for things than need discrete removal separately, and then set the machine to do the weekly delete and reset on the whole thing. I call the staff and let them know to come in and clean and remove all the perishables, since it may be some weeks before I return.

//--GM
Since most of your odd activities were away from the cameras, the cleanup is not particularly time consuming. The remainder is easily arranged; almost rote for your personal staff.

//--Helena
I will take Boss with me to Alma's, assuming he can make himself tolerably discreet if asked to stay by the door with a good gnawing bone.

//--GM
He has only previously misbehaved when provoked by a pet (or bad child) of a visitor, so you can likely rely on his 'discretion.'

Saras breaks out a new uniform, recently made or conjured, it seems. It has a military feel, but is crafted in the colors of the Crown Diplomatic Corps. Absent are any marks of rank or past duties, leaving him a Junior Adjutant by default.

//--Helena
It reminds me I will need new uniforms myself, since the appointment by our Crown is now official. I will contact Loren to find out from whom to get the required designs and request them be created here and delivered to the Embassy by Trump.

//--GM
(Shoot me if you must, but I picture them in taupe (office equipment tan / beige) and maroon for some reason - argue now or forever hold your peace. ;-) )

//--Helena
I would assume they would be in the colors of the empire; if that's taupe and maroon, so be it. (Remind me to shape shift my skin a different color. Yeesh!) I think with my secondary standing as trade ambassador from Jesby I would either continue to use that uniform (the blue and black) or would have some kind of secondary badge or sash indicating the two different positions.

//--GM
[Actually, my thought was that the Ambassador corps would be quite different from the martial colors of the Empire, to differentiate them immediately from combat or security troops. Perhaps all the other (less unfortunate) color combinations were taken by various houses. ;-) ] The sash would work - very well, I think - and of course the badges would be indicative.

Will you contact Loren about the uniforms before you leave, send word with Saras, or ?

//--Helena
I'll need quick measurements. I can have Saras take them and jot them down if he's willing. We've both done this more than often enough to know how.

//--GM
He's willing, and you both make quick work of it.

//--Helena
BTW, you said Saras had no indication of his previous rank. Wouldn't he still be Hendrake Knight Protector, retired, or does Hendrake wash their hands of you when your service is done?

//--GM
He would be honored in all ordinary respects as KP-R, but perhaps he has washed his hands of them to some extent.

//--Helena
As I'm smoothing his uniform after he's helped with my measurements, I notice the empty spot under my hand and ask, "No KP-R?"

//--Saras
A bit lamely, "I'd rather not advertise in Amber...."

//--Helena
"Truly? My unit of infiltrators was rather infamous as well, though I admit not to the extent the Knight Protectors were known. I made the decision that covering up my correct involvement in a legal war between our nations would only go badly for me should it be found out later, and also send the wrong message about my attitude towards that war. I didn't want it to be labelled personal instead of political, if you understand.

"I won't countermand your decision, but if that's the whole basis of it, I would suggest your concern is misplaced. Still, you don't have to tell me the reason if it is... complex for you. I just wanted you to know the stance I have taken, if it applies at all in your case."

//--Saras
He lowers his eyes. "Truly..." and it sounds as if he must drag each word from his throat, so deep is his shame, "...I do not feel the pride I once did. How many centuries of service, cast aside on the word of bureaucratic spies, not even of my House? My old comrades seemed almost relieved, as if my departure removed some stain from them...." At last, he forces his gaze up to meet yours, his eyes looking truly old to you for the first time since you met. "I am too bitter for now. Perhaps... when they are not such a weight on my breast, and the old memories can push back this offense...."

//--Helena
I interrupt him with a flat hand on his chest. "You need no further reason, nor do you need to struggle with something you have decided. Except that I would say outside your House we see a man who did indeed serve for centuries and who fought a great battle as well as it could be fought, on the words of those far above him. That an action or battle or ... war were pointless and wasteful does not belittle the earnest bravery and selflessness of those who struggled within it. That you question those things makes even more of you {Beloved.}"

//--Saras
"You do much to heal me, {Beloved}. Perhaps... when I am quit of Chaos' Ways...."

//--GM
Do you take the same route as Saras to walk together, or just leave as each of you are ready?

//--Helena
If it's not far out of the way, we'll walk together to Loren's office. If it is, we'll go separately.

//--GM
As Loren is one of the 'faces' of the House, and Alma is deep inside, almost hidden away, that could work. There is certainly a Ways-Path from Loren's personal Ways to the outer receiving of Alma's Ways, and the connection from your Ways to his is also there, or near there. The only complication, if it bothers you, is that you would be leading Saras through personal family areas, as opposed to an approach through a commons. He would follow your lead, albeit perhaps uncomfortably.

//--Helena
I won't bring the poor man through my father's private chambers. We can go around, and then I can leave by way of Loren's private path.

//--GM
Taken in by the formality around him, Saras only kisses your hand when you part.

Do you announce yourself somehow before arriving to visit Alma, or just go?

//--Helena
I was planning to send a messenger ahead to Alma's almost immediately after getting out of bed so she'd have an hour or so warning.

//--Alma
She actually meets you in the outer reception, then, dressed in a pretty sweater-dress knit in a complex pattern of the House colors. Her immediate reaction is a big hug, and she looks a little misty just to see you.

//--Helena
I hug her back, warmly and sincerely. "Mother, I am so pleased to see you looking so well. I still like that dress." I lean back and smile, not releasing her. "And you will be happy to know your unwelcome interference in my romantic life has been quite fruitful. Saras..." I pause, considering how best to sum him up. "Saras is an incredible man. I must thank you, now, for that interference." I grin and let her lead me inside, walking arm in arm.

//--Alma
Alma tries to smile for you, but she is too troubled. "I am happy that you are happy... but Loren said you were hurt... that some entity had passed to you when you helped me." She stops inside her inner chambers, and a tear runs down her face. "I can sense the cold in you, but I don't remember how I know it."

//--Helena
"You can sense it now?" I look at her with concern.

//--Alma
"I trained and conditioned for almost a decade to achieve what has been inflicted upon you, Helena... and I should think I would recognize when my beloved changeling daughter is frozen; sculpted by another's hand, no matter how lovingly." She wipes her eye only to have the other let slip a tear. "Perhaps I was too relieved before, or perhaps the Work had not begun in you when we were last together. I blame myself anyway; what is one more failed responsibility?"

//--Helena
I hold her close, laughing gently, just a little. "Is it only that I had to be made into this form that you sensed? I was worried the foreign thing still lurked there."

//--Alma
She nods, slowly coming to understand your initially-puzzling relief.

//--Helena
After a pause I hold her away so that she can see my face. "Saras felt I would heal in time if I could let the form rest. I chose this, Mother. I could not return to my work in that form, and I did not feel our House or the Empire could wait on my recovery. Nor in truth was I brave enough to let my love for the Knight-Protector blossom with the mark of that foreign thing upon me. He did not reckon on the influence of Amber's Pattern within me, but I suspected it would make this harder, and so it did."

//--Alma
"I was chosen for my proximity to Amber; and so much closer you are."

//--Helena
"Truly. I chose this route. I may in time recover still. But if I do not, what I have gained is infinitely worthwhile."

//--Alma
"Recover..." she whispers. Her human-form changes, stiffly, rapidly, with small noises emanating from her frame that one would normally equate with moving on bones too recently broken. Suddenly, she is shaped as you had been; a bit heavier here, a bit lighter there, some subtle variations in color, but otherwise so much the entity's face. "Even free of the madness, there is no unforging what I wrought upon myself. There are refuges I can share, though; things that I drew sanity from... though few could tell from without. If you would have me at peace, even if you fear naught, let me offer them, should you have a need that you do not yet see while you are far from us."

//--Helena
I nod with interest, but having entered into her chambers, I first sit down with her and pour us some fruited water from a pitcher. "Tell me about these things."

//--Alma
"There are doors in my mind, places that only the proper dream can reach. Some open, some closed; and which are set how may let you back to your life. If you echo me, those doors should be yours as well, and I might be able to lead you to them. Why I locked them as I did... I... I do not remember any more...." She catches her breath, wipes her eyes, and reaches for your hands, sobering quickly. "Please, let me show you all I can."

//--Helena
"Mother, I do not want to do anything that jeopardizes your recovery. As for me also, I know there were doors closed by Saras during his treatment of my condition. Without knowing his purpose in doing this I don't feel we can change anything. Is it possible for you to show me what you want to show me, and not affect changes to these things?"

//--Alma
"Saras found the doors? I didn't think that was possible." She makes a little noise, almost a laugh. "If only he had been doctor instead of patient when we met...."

She eases back into her chair, reluctantly withdrawing her hands. "Perhaps it would be safer for both of us if I spared your mind the blunt instrument of my psychic talents." Alma does laugh now, but there is no music in it. After a sigh, she lets the dress stretch in new directions as she slides through her old human seeming into demon-form, where she has always been more comfortable. "Tell your handsome shift-surgeon that the third door is the key. It looks fearsome, but all one needs is the proper memory to open it. While he searches, you should look behind when next he views your doors. If it is as I suspect, you will find some relief for yourself there, although what shape that relief might take, I could not say with any authority. I cannot even promise that it is there, as I might have tunneled from my prison, rather than found some compromise in its design, but I... I want to say I remember finding it. I'm no longer sure of much when it comes to this ossified design in me... in us."

//--Helena
I nod solemnly. "I will tell him what you tell me now, and he and I will work together on this. May he come to you and ask you questions about this if what I tell him is not enough for him to understand?"

//--Alma
"I am sure your father can handle arranging such a meeting, if needs be, but if Saras found the doors with you, I have no doubt that he will be able to make use of what little I could sensibly relate."

A sadness washes over her, but she does all she can to push it away. "Please, Helena, tell me of Saras the love. I have long known the friend, but I think I need to hear how I have made you happy with my meddling, after all this inflicted sorrow...."

//--Helena
I smile. Sadness there may be, but this happiness is genuine whether there is sadness or not.

"Saras... He is beautiful in many ways, I have found. The circumstances of our meeting forced us quite close very quickly, but everything I learned of him added something I admired to his character, starting with the trust I gave him because of the trust you and father showed. In his work he was gentle, honorable and skilled, knowing his limits and never trying to show off or cover up what might be seen as weaknesses. If his treatment of and honesty with all his patients is a fraction of what he showed to me, he is an excellent doctor indeed."

//--Alma
Another small sorrow passes through Alma, but her relief at you finding better treatment through Saras than her surgeons managed to provide pushes it away.

//--Helena
"And we spoke of the work in Amber and what I might accomplish there; we spoke of his record and mine in the war and in the past. Some things he has not yet shared with me, but he has begun to speak of things that rest dark on his heart -- such things as we all carry from our war, greater for some than for others."

//--Alma
Alma nods, remembering a precious few such stories as well.

//--Helena
"He shares people's pain. His compassion is great, almost so great as to stop him, but he has strength, too, and can carry on."

I laugh, thinking how to speak my next thought. "He knows when he must not bend to me, when his knowledge or experience must prevail, and how to get me to trust he will explain it to me or teach it to me when time allows."

//--Alma
"I shall have to have him teach me such wisdom," she teases.

//--Helena
"And then, in action, with a blade in his hand..." my eyes look distant, picturing him, "he is a work of art. I could watch him days on end. We have sparred, and while I am not much overmatched, I feel I could learn from him and enjoy the learning for a very long time." The laugh comes again, easier, freer. "He says the same of me, though it seems it is only by strength that I can overcome him."

//--Alma
"Your father always used to say, 'Skill is an application of strength.' You have worked as hard to be strong as you have to be quick. Certainly there is no shame in that."

//--Helena
"Not at all, nor does he make me feel such. It is just that we do have further to go together." Alma well knows how driven Helena is to improve herself.

"He conjures well and artfully and oversteps himself sloppily with gestures of love like a schoolboy. And his hands and mouth, his body in our bed..." I have to close my eyes a moment. "I know he is skilled, and given his prior positions most likely trained in those arts, but I do not feel he is... performing in any way, or," I wrinkle my nose at the distasteful word, "servicing me. He gives everything. He is vulnerable. I please him as he pleases me. I..."

I look up at her, grinning broadly. "I am getting carried away. Perhaps it is the blush of new love, but I do love this man, more deeply than our short days together should allow. I am trying to be careful as I may, but there is no caution I can find in all I know of him."

//--Alma
"One who is too careful with her heart does not love at all." She smiles, feeling unburdened at last. "Your father and I courted for less than fifty Turnings before we proposed. It is not in us to wait when we see love, darling Helena... and I hear in you that Saras is a man worth loving. You have my blessing... and my ear if he confounds you." She rises, flowing into human-form more easily than you have ever seen her do, to kiss both your cheeks, eyes brimming with tears of joy now.

Alma smiles at the thought of how far you and Saras might go together, but says nothing further about it.

Was there anything else you wanted to talk to Alma about?

As you make to depart, she mentions that she may have news or questions for you in a dozen Turnings or so. "I know that Hanla will ask after you, and I want to be able to speak truly of how you are faring. Start listening carefully for Trump-sign after a few days, as I do not know if my {voice} will carry well all the way to Amber just yet." You sense that there is already a question on her mind, but that she is not ready to ask you, for whatever reason.

//--Helena
"I love you, Mother. I will listen for you." I hug her again, "be well." And I depart.

(PS: this reminds me that one thing I will most certainly pack is the statue. And one thing I will ask Saras to do, though it pains me, is to un-conjure or destroy the armor piece he made for me. It is too closely form fit for that other shape, and I would not leave it lying around to give yet more away.)

//--GM
(Probably should bring it up when you see him next. Speaking of which...) Where did you and Saras plan to meet after your mutual businesses were completed?

//--Helena
(I will bring it up then. And we would meet back at Father's office, or if I was a trifle too long, in the gardens just outside. It does give me a reason not to linger too long with Alma, though that is what I might wish to do. I feel an urgency for us to get on our way. From there, we could travel to the staging area in Jesby where the Trump gate to Amber is positioned.)

//--Saras
Saras is just walking into the garden when you arrive. There seems to be much on his mind, but he smiles warmly to see you. After another formal kiss on the hand in greeting, he asks, "How is Alma?" You note that there is little privacy here for a complete answer.

//--Helena
"Very well. Worried of course, but well."

//--Saras
As lightly as he can manage, "For her daughter's health or her virtue?"

//--Helena
I grin at him. "Her health of course. She is much more relaxed about my virtue, knowing now that you are here to guard it."

//--Saras
"So long as there is not 'matchmaker's regret,' then."

//--Helena
"I should say, just the opposite."

//--Saras
He smiles, quite pleased at the news, and then becomes thoughtful again.

//--GM
Do you continue to the gate together - you, Saras, and Boss the Well-Behaved ;-) - or seek a place to confer first? (I assume your bags have been sent on to meet you at the gate, unless you packed lightly enough to have carried it all with you.) Where / how is the fencing armor packed?

//--Helena
It is packed in a small bag among the others. I did not ask it to be sent through before we got there, so I presume it will still be there waiting for us. We will find a private place first, where I will ask him about the jacket. I will save Alma's news for after our arrival in Amber.

//--GM
You find a suitable place, a little lover's retreat off the main Ways-path, ironically enough.

//--Helena
"Just one further errand before we go, Saras. The fencing jacket you brought for me, does it need to be destroyed, or can you reshape it? I'd rather not leave it lying around, here or there."

//--Saras
"If it has some sentimental value, I can reshape it easily enough. It is magically inert enough to forget what it was once it becomes something else. Do I need remake it now, or wait until we are in the Far City?" He would need five or ten uninterrupted minutes - less if he is merely shrinking it without making it fit your current shape well.

//--Helena
"Sooner is better."

We can collect that piece of luggage. I don't even mind going back to my house on the pretext of some things I've forgotten. But basically going someplace where he can work privately and we sort this out.

//--Saras
Rather than have an organized woman suddenly seem forgetful on the eve of resuming a prestigious post, Saras has you speak to the porters long enough for him to 'instruct' his construct to return to its un-molded component parts. He will reassemble it later, at your leisure.

//--GM
Any other details before stepping through the gate to the Embassy?

//--Helena
No, I go through first, then the luggage, then Saras.