12 - Love and Experiments

//--Saras
Miss Emilia shows up pushing a floating cart, your meal on a grand platter on top and the supplies racked below. Saras directs the meal to the patio table, and keeps the cart for now to unload 'at some more opportune moment,' implying that the meal was just an interruption of the ongoing festivities. He compliments her on her prompt service and sends her on her way.

Once she is well gone, he steps inside to ask, "Would you care to take our meal outside?"

//--Helena
I smile and nod, happily. I had designed my Ways as they are because of how much I enjoy being able to move freely from inside to out.

//--Saras
Just the few minutes resting in the chair while he waited for Miss Emilia seems to have restored some of his spirit. Regardless of where you decide to eat, he sits close to you, talking about little for the first part of the meal, but pausing often to touch you gently; holding your hand, touching your leg... just being close to you as a balm on his soul.

//--Helena
That ease and warmth seems exactly what I need right now, and simply enjoy coming to know the rhythm of these little acts, his eating and speaking.

//--Saras
Midway through the meal, "I couldn't help but notice how well appointed your bathroom was. It seems a shame to have one of us wait when there seems room enough for two. We could see how refreshed that leaves us, and plan our next steps from there...." He makes it sound like an opportunity for intimacy, rather than sex, although the latter could certainly follow if you did not wish to return shortly to shift-treatment.

//--Helena
"There is more than room enough for two, certainly," I reply a little shyly, not certain from where the shyness has come, all of a sudden. "I would like a bath."

//--Saras
Saras takes note of your slight reserve, but chooses to trust that it is not born of anything but the newness of what is blossoming between you. Tenderly, he asks, "Would it be all right if I took the lead in this?" kissing you once and then awaiting your word.

//--Helena
I raise an eyebrow. "You have more energy than a moment ago, Knight Protector. "Please lead on."

//--Saras
"I have eaten like a king; sat at peace for almost an hour... and it was not my body that was tired, Milady." Raising an eyebrow of his own, but keeping his tone gentle, "I've done more shift-work in the last two days than the previous year, and maybe twice as much precision mind-riding. For a while, I need to just 'do' without such intense focus. Keeping my hands busy will ease my fatigue quite well, I assure you," with the double-entendre very low-key in his tone.

He bids you remain where you are for the moment, while he starts the bath, leaving you a refreshed glass of wine to keep you company while you wait. A few moments later, he returns for you, taking your hand and leading you back, as if these were his chambers, or a room in some fine hotel of his long acquaintance. At the door between the bedroom and the bath, he eases you from your robe, his fingers trailing slowly down your arms as he does so. (Does your shy / demure demeanor persist?)

//--Helena
(More tentative now than shy, but basically, yes.) I find myself stealing a glance at him like a schoolgirl.

//--Saras
His own robe joins yours on the bed. Undistracted by injury or urgency, you can at last appreciate the strength of his torso, especially his midsection; firm but not overly hard or chiseled. He is smooth except for a fine line of hair that begins beneath his navel and disappears into the silk shorts he has yet to discard.

//--Helena
I find my attention drawn there and then back up to his face and the strong line of his jaw, the dark eyes...

//--Saras
... a rare enough shade of green, like dark gemstones. His nose has a slightly unfinished quality; small nostrils, little flare, something of a straight line from the tip up to his thoughtful brows. There is something faintly predatory in the set of his teeth, but not so much the lips that frame it, and the slightest smile seems to banish that effect.

The slightest hint of steam rises from the bath as he leads you to it; you will likely find it just hot enough to stay warm for a good while. A thick towel is doubled up beside the tub like a knee rest, as if he intends to remain outside it for a while before joining you in the water. Several of your favorite soaps and lotions are arrayed close at hand for him to lavish on you. Do you accept his hand into the bath, or is this too much pampering for your current frame of mind? Saras seems altogether pleased with the idea of worshiping you for a while....

//--Helena
In deference to my agreement to be led by him, I take his hand as I step into the water, and wait for him to guide me down.

//--Saras
He lowers you gently, easing your legs to their full length once you're seated. As he begins to wash your feet, "Most of my liaisons have been hasty things; at the whim of the Lady in question, or in some shallow tent on the eve of battle.

//--Helena
I nod a little almost before I know I do, understanding this completely, having lived somewhat that life myself. "We used to joke we could save weight in our kits by only carrying half the tents."

//--Saras
Smiling, "I knew at least half of my life would be familiar to you.

"I will not often ask this of you, but today... today I want to savor you." He blushes slightly. "If this becomes tiresome, I will do whatever you ask to make it up to you."

//--Helena
"I hope you will ask of me whatever you want, and I think I have seen that you will do whatever I ask even without any fault to make up for.

"Today I am yours," I smile playfully, "but I won't always be so obedient."

//--Saras
Then a smile erupts from his somewhat plaintive expression. "Even if you don't tire of my attentions today, I look forward to the resurgence of your spirit, and the chance to fulfill your fantasies."

//--Helena
"It is no fantasy; it is real. You are here."

//--Saras
His eyes light up to hear you praise him. He pauses in his ministrations to kiss you, long and deep, before slowly easing back to his 'place' working up your body, his fingers trailing along your skin as he does so. He seems so... earnest, so taken with the joy of service... and his attentions are certainly not merely workmanlike as he makes his way 'north.'

//--Helena
I let the water carry my weight and let his hands move me as he desires. After a moment I close my eyes and focus only on feeling his touch rather than noticing any disjoint between my body and my expectations. I resist this last until his touch becomes quite direct, but suddenly I find I trust him, and finally I release all expectations and responsibility to him for the time, and allow my body to respond to whatever he offers.

//--Saras
He comes achingly close to letting his fingers play over your sex, but instead continues on his way, leaving you wanting more. His touch keeps you at the edge of aching, not teasing so much as holding your excitement at a sustainable level. The attention he lavishes on your arms and upper body is no less and little more, somehow equally stimulating, until he finally sheds his last bit of clothing and moves behind you to attend to your hair. After that slight anticlimax, he settles fully into the water, his firmness pressing lightly against your back and his hands slowly moving to test his understanding of your favorite places at last.

//--Helena
I arch back against him, pressing myself against his hands below and reaching my own hands back behind his neck, half-turning my torso so that I can kiss him. Breathing hard, my mouth half-open with an unvoiced moan, I ask in a small voice what else he wants of me, not sure I can continue this game without stealing the reins from him and taking him this instant.

//--Saras
You see what he thought he wanted when he began warring with what he wants now behind his eyes. His fingers continue to work; probing, stroking, stirring you in new and familiar ways at the same time while he decides. When you are convinced that you can 'play' no longer, he finally relents, allowing you to turn the rest of the way and kissing you firmly enough to keep you both steady. Saras rotates you beneath him in the tub, gently pinning your hands over your head (your face well above water) with one of his to continue to set the pace. His free hand trails down from the side of your face, across your chest; the slightest additional distraction before he enters you. The slow pace until now pays off with the first of what promises to be a long string of orgasms after just a few slow strokes. If you are discomforted by his hold, he soon releases you, but otherwise he keeps you stretched out beneath him, drawing things out for as long as he can before his own body demands release.

//--Helena
I struggle not against his hold but to move with him and to tilt back to that angle, just so, where things become endless over and over again. I am spent and near incoherent by the third full orgasm, reduced to small cries, my body unable to do much to help him, and wanting desperately to feel the tension and heat of his release.

//--Saras
Your body and mind are beyond counting when that bone-deep shudder finally takes him. His free hand grips the tub's edge such that you would fear for him and it were you capable of forming the thought, but his hold on you neither slacks nor discomforts. Below, your body devours the heat he offers, flushing hot in your mutual release such that you imagine it is you heating the water now. Some of these reactions may be new, but they are yours, born of his efforts and the growing bond between you. There is no alien intrusion in the moment, even when you can open your eyes again on the tangle of you together. Saras is fairly gasping, but he has forgotten to release you... or does some part of him believe he could summon such an effort again?

//--Helena
Still breathing hard, eyes half-lidded, I smile at the thought he might try. I wait for him to recover, letting the air above the water line cool my flushed chest and face as I lie still. An occasional pulse, like an after-effect, runs through me, and I see him react slightly as it reaches him still inside me.

When he opens his eyes I pull him down to me until he is resting on top of me. I line his jaw and lips with slow, languid kisses until we are both recovered enough to see one another properly.

//--Saras
Saras spends some time returning those kisses. He welcomes you guiding him down to pillow on you, making no effort to withdraw, but no longer pretending that he might move soon.

After a while, in a teasing whisper, "I'll have to try that again... in about a month or two... if you were not too disappointed...." You know he knows better, and his smile is proof enough of that, but perhaps he is too pleased to believe he isn't dreaming.

//--Helena
"Mm. You may need that long to recover. Though I doubt I will give you time." My smile broadens. "So, Saras, how is it you intend to get us out of this tub, given you can hardly move, and I hardly want to?"

//--Saras
He snuggles up a bit closer, gently cupping your breast in after-play, and brushing his lips in small kisses along your cheek toward your ear and neck. "I won't need to go anywhere for a while. If you do not feel compelled to move, then this is certainly not a bad place for a nap. If worst comes to worse, I suppose I could turn the water back on and float out...." If you do not feel time pressing, then he is clearly content in the afterglow... although the water may need warming before too much longer.

//--Helena
I have no answer for him except a small smile and a sleepy expression.

I certainly don't feel time pressure at the moment, and unless I get cold I probably doze off and on anyway until he starts moving.

//--Saras
You nap and snuggle for an hour perhaps, and then almost simultaneously agree / realize that the water is getting cold. Saras helps you dry off, and certainly does not object to similar treatment in kind. As he wraps a dry towel around his waist, he asks, "Is the dress code still robes?" smirking, joking... and perhaps testing how comfortable you are becoming; with him and with your current situation. "In my current frame of mind, I'm not sure you'd appreciate my taste in conjured clothing, but I could fiddle with something you already have."

//--Helena
I shake my head, but smile. "There's no need. If we require further help from the staff, I have enough loose things and robes to get by. Meanwhile I should like to feel the air. And have more opportunity to steal looks at you."

//--Saras
With that, he uncinches the towel and uses it to finish drying his hair, tossing it over a hook or bar on his way out of the bathroom in all his glory. A finely muscled back blends into a firm bottom and well defined legs as you watch him go.

After a little bit, slightly more seriously, "I should draw a small measure of blood from you soon, so we have a baseline for when we return to work. My mind is starting to consider practical things even as my heart continues to dance."

//--Helena
"I like that about you." I grin, though things are coming back to a more solemn direction. "I'm ready for whatever you think is required."

//--Saras
He smiles and bows, keeping things as light as he can manage. Taking your hand, "If I may..." and his mind touches yours enough to tinker with you very slightly. A small red spot forms on your palm, and then suddenly rises free, a shimmering sanguine globe the size of a BB. He gestures with his free hand, and it drops into your grasp as a small ruby. "'Twould seem that my mind is not so averse to Work now... but we do not have to hurry." He takes the hardened blood sample from you with a magician's flourish. Trying (and likely failing) to be light and funny, "I fear the next step will make a rather frosty kitten of you, so be certain you are prepared." Saras heads toward the patio to bring in the cart of supplies you ordered at last, busying himself momentarily, and perhaps working on setting his own mind to accept what is next.

//--Helena
"Here, or in the bedroom?" I call after him, getting a little nervous myself now.

//--Saras
"Bedroom, I think. It will let us rest close together while we wait to see what our mystery switch leads to." As he walks in with the cart, he has not completely banished his concern from his face. He takes a breath and nods his willingness to go ahead, not wishing to delay this and feed the dread any further.

//--Helena
Heading for where he indicates, I sit with my feet tucked under me and go through katas of calm.

//--Saras
These rituals are of some value, but something quails in you still. He loves your strength, your skill, your passion... and all of these things will shrink away when these switches are thrown, even if only for a few hours.

//--Helena
As soon as I've thought that, I get a little angry with myself. I trust Saras more than that, and it dishonors him that I can still think so little of him. I put the thought aside. He knows what he is doing, and has shown he knows what he wants and will pursue it.

//--GM
That anger helps you focus, but does nothing for your calm.

//--Helena
When he comes back I look at him earnestly, letting a little fear show through. "So, can you tell me what to expect at all? Is there a point or some signal at which I should interfere or do anything, or should I just let... everything happen?"

//--Saras
"We will not go far this time. The more I thought of it, the more I realized that isolating the last channel could unravel the puzzle lock in you. Half measures might only draw this out, and no good can come of that. I will show you the entry key we uncovered this morning, and I will let you change the settings on your own, to husband my strength for a solution. You can come right back to wakefulness, or remain asleep for a few hours, and then we will test your blood again to see what processes we have run up and run down."

//--Helena
I nod, not quite understanding, but realizing full understanding is not necessary.

//--Saras
He takes a calming breath before asking, "Would you rather sleep through? I can help you do that, and save whatever questions I need your waking mind for until the changes have run out to where we can trace them."

//--Helena
I look at a loss with the options. "What will make the work easiest for you?" I frown and spread my hands. "I suppose if I am asleep I am less likely to make trouble for my doctor. I do not want my... desire for a quick resolution to alter the course of treatment you know to be best."

//--Saras
He thinks to say that you are not so much trouble, but his charm fails him. Slightly crestfallen, he simply says, "Speed will not be a factor, unless sleep can slow or hasten the changes... and we won't know that until we are already decided. I would recommend sleep, if only to husband your strength if we work long later."

//--Helena
I nod, accepting his recommendation. "Do it, then."

//--Saras
"Four hours, and I will awaken you. Perhaps that will be all the time it takes."

//--GM
(He intends for you to maximize the third dial and minimize the others; will it be 5-5-10-1, 5-5-10-0, or some other combination?)

//--Helena
I ask for his suggestion, here. I do not want to guess, or change my mind when it might damage or change what he needs to do. I tell him how I picture it in my mind, and suggest those two possibilities.

//--Saras
He senses your recollection of the fourth dial on 2 and on 1, and recommends (5-5-10-1). "That should be more than sufficient."

"You should lay out clothes, but for now you won't need them. I may need to examine you when you wake, and as you are simplifies that." He leans close for one more kiss, eyes shimmering as if he might not get another for too long, by whatever measure.

//--Helena
I kiss him, but try not to get caught up in too much emotion. I quickly toss some workout trousers and another loose shirt out of the dresser onto the side table. Then I sit down.

//--Saras
He does not linger overmuch, taking solace in the remembered sweetness of your most recent union. There is a hint of approval, and perhaps relief, at the clothes.

Taking your hands in his, he shows you his sense memory of your trigger, and shortly you are able to return to the 'control room' as before, albeit alone this time. You trust that Saras is taking measure of your physiological responses back in the waking world, even though he is too far away to feel from here.

//--Helena
I look around for any changes, but other than that, I proceed with no hesitation at all, unless there is something changed in the room that I make note of. I gradually turn each of the minimized dials down, and turn the third one up to 10.

//--GM
The room is exactly as you remember it, except that the psychic lock that Saras installed on the storeroom is now visible as a pixelated green padlock.

Your task done, you let yourself free of the room to dream of... nothing.

Hours pass like seconds in the undifferentiated dark, and you awaken in Saras' arms... although there is no joy in it for you. He might as well poke you in the back as kiss you for all you can manage to care at the moment. Perhaps it shows on your face, or perhaps his touch has already told him. Saras eases away before asking, "I know parts of you are numbed, but does anything feel heightened or intensified?" 'Not full' is the most colorful descriptor you can summon of your mood and current state of well being, not that you really feel at all like eating.

//--Helena
I try to feel out what I can. I move a little, perhaps sit up. If I get no further sense of it I say, "It is just... not full. Not 'dissatisfied,' not 'empty,' but not... full." I express a light shrug.

//--Saras
Wrapping himself in that cloak of professionalism as best he can, he takes your hand. "I'm going to take another sample, and see what has changed that we can't see." You watch him raise another gem of blood from your palm, interested in a logical sense, but free of your fear and concern - almost free of caring.

He steps away to compare this new sample to the old. "Don't dress just yet." Of course, you feel no need to bother. It occurs to you, in cold and clinical fashion, that this mind-set could submit to the most horrible torture and not register anything aside from an idle count of missing digits. Perhaps your mother could not escape here, for whatever reason. Hmm... interesting....

From a safe distance, Saras says, "You can turn Four back up now," as if he has his answers. Then, spoken almost as an order, "Please do." You can tell that he considered telling you now, while you could absorb whatever news dispassionately, but thought better of it for whatever reason.

//--Helena
I look at him sidelong. " 'Please do?' " I tilt my head one side than another, cracking my neck to sit up straighter. "Interesting thought." Barely interesting. "You fear something and won't tell me what it is."

//--Saras
"Living out a nightmare," he mutters, swallowing the rest of what he's thinking and feeling. Facing you squarely, "Logically, you must know that I have no intention of telling you anything further until you are capable of interacting with me fully. You can reset Four to normal, or you can not know; simple as that."

An odd sense that he hasn't given you something you need perks its way into your consciousness from... you're not sure where. It doesn't seem directly related to your current dialog, but it feels important to you.

//--Helena
I consider that. I do, logically, understand, but this sense that there is something more, something that seems important even in this state, is interesting also.

"There is something you have not told me or given me beyond what you have learned just now. I will remember that this is the case when I return, and ask you again."

//--Saras
He sighs softly. "I know. I have plenty of 'good news' for you... but not like this."

//--Helena
With that I abruptly lie back down, and slip away back to the controls to return dial Four to its original state. Again I go through the process: check the room for anything new; move the dial slowly; exit.

//--GM
The lock that Saras installed has moved slightly, but it still holds tight. Everything else appears as it did.

When you awaken, Saras is dressed - pants and shirt, no shoes. Your clothes are beside you on the bed instead of where you left them, and he has thrown a quilt over you again - but not so neatly as last time. Even though Four is neutral, you feel a bit of 'rebound' and a sense of heightened emotion. In addition, there is an odd craving in you; a strong desire to redress whatever he has cheated you out of... even though it doesn't have a name yet.

//--Helena
I blink and stretch, trying to let the feeling settle into something more sensible.

//--GM
You feel yourself wondering what your children would look like. Would they take after your true form, or carry over some of your recent misfortune? How much of what you take to be Saras is really him, and how much is a practiced seeming? Since you aren't looking to start a family all that soon - or at least certainly not now - you wonder why that would push to the front of your mind so readily.

//--Helena
Finally I look over at him. If he hasn't noticed I'm awake, I call his name softly. I hold out my hand to him, and wait for him to begin speaking.

//--Saras
He returns from staring at the blood-gems at the sound of your voice. An apology on his face, if not his lips, he returns to your side, taking your offered hand. "Are you all right?"

//--Helena
I shrug, forcing a smile.

//--Saras
"I have a few preliminary conclusions, and an additional line of experimentation in mind." He lowers his head, asking... almost pleading, "Can we hold off on my... issues until we tire of work?"

//--Helena
"Your issues?" I look at him with consternation. "I... suppose. I do remember my question, from before, though, and don't plan to forget it."

//--Saras
"You are my primary concern, always, but I cannot leave my own experience out of this. Not completely." Hoping to put this subject behind him, "I got into medicine because of the lobotomies the demon-medics performed in the field to get shift-mad shock troops back into action. That blankness in you... it reminds me too much of those times." It feels like a very succinct version of his concern, but certainly not a lie or even much of an evasion.

//--Helena
"I understand. You know that I do." I watch him until he meets my eyes and acknowledges this.

//--Saras
He does, at last. "You inspire me to be stronger, but sometimes I forget that there may not be a need." A tender touch, a light kiss, and then he is back to work.

Easing back into professionalism, "As for the 'mystery' setting... it appears to affect how aggressively your reproductive system processes the male contribution. Zero is completely barren, while ten would likely require transplantation or some form of selective abortion to survive gestation." He seems unconcerned that the 'contribution' he speaks of can survive several days in the environment you provide, and you've been at 'ten' for four of five hours after just recently having sex with him.

//--Helena
I am only mildly concerned. Assuming my shape-shifting returns to even some semblance of what it used to be, I can process this in whatever way is necessary.

//--GM
(True, and it is considered unmanly in your culture to be concerned with such things. It is both the duty and privilege of women to decide the if and when of children in Chaos, as even a poor shifter could absorb an unwanted child well into the second trimester. A man's only choice / concern is whether he sleeps with a woman; nothing of the outcome.)

//--Saras
"After one more test - which I can do on the blood you've already provided - I can tell you if my other theory has any merit, and give you a realistic estimate of how much more I can do for you."

//--Helena
I frown at the thought that we might have to turn elsewhere for help. I had let myself hope it could stay between us. "How much longer, then?"

//--Saras
"If you allow me to ruin another glass or two, perhaps an hour... maybe less."

//--Helena
After he answers I let him work, but at a moment when it seems he is waiting for some process to finish, rather than actively engaged, I ask him, "Why do you change your hair?"

//--Saras
"My former employment was not a profession given to old men... and I suppose vanity plays a part as well." He runs his hands through his hair while the tiny creature he's incubating slowly squirms to life under glass, bringing back the gray you've glimpsed before. Turning for you to see, "What would you rather?"

//--Helena
"I don't mind, really, one way or the other. I wondered why you did it, when to my taste, you are more attractive with the gray. Obviously that was no great influence on my decisions," I grin a little,"so make yourself as you prefer."

//--Saras
"I've been hiding it for years, but I think I can work free of the habit eventually... at least with you."

After a few more minutes, he guides you off the bed to stand near the two rocks-glasses-turned-incubators. Within them are curled up little humanoid figures; tiny (maybe 8-10 cm tall) little Helena2's. (they look as you do now, not as you did and wish to) Saras puts his hand over your heart and asks you to be still while he finished attuning them to your precise condition, "...or at least, as best I can."

//--GM
The process is finished after a long moment, and he turns to examine his creations. Just as Saras' back is to you, you get the start of a Trump call, strong and insistent.

//--Helena
"Trump call," I say immediately. "Can I take it in this condition?"

//--Saras
Saras nods, focused on, but not completely absorbed by, his final adjustments.

//--Helena
I pull on the baggy sweatshirt and trousers on the other side of the room from him, and then accept the call.

//--GM
Loren appears through the contact. Briefly, but with his customary kind formality, "Everything is arranged, Helena. Have you time for the details, or would you rather call back?"

Saras quietly mentions that he is ready to run the first test, if you want to observe.

//--Helena
"Can you tell me over Trump, or do you need to come here?"

//--Loren
"If you can pass me the entity's container, I have everything in place. When you leave for Amber, taking the JRS' scrutiny with you, I have a trustworthy courier ready to deliver our charge to a sympathetic and independent judge."

//--Helena
As he speaks I hold up a "wait" finger to Saras. "Hang on..."

I ask Saras, "Can I pass the entity through to Father? He has someone lined up to take it. Or do you need it for anything else?"

//--Saras
"I don't think it will reveal anything further. Let him honor his arrangements."

//--Helena
I walk over and collect the snifter and hand it through to Loren. "I hope to have some news for you later... Right now, not much. We're making progress." I give him a weary smile before I sign off.

//--Loren
"Health and Fortune, my daughter," and he is off to complete his subterfuge.

//--Helena
Then I walk over behind and to the side of Saras where I can watch without being in the way.

//--Saras
He coaxes the first tiny simulacrum of you to stand. "I have attuned its nervous system to mimic what has happened to yours. If I grasp the neurology properly, a measured pace of resetting should make this little one a shape-shifter again." He extends a finger toward the figure, who obligingly reaches toward it, a tiny trusting smile on its face. When she touches Saras, her hand catches fire, spreading in a flash to the rest of her body. Her tiny scream doesn't die off until her head is a cinder.

//--Helena
I grimace but let him continue his work.

//--Saras
Grumbling softly, "That was informative." He puts the first glass aside, putting the other in its place. "The nodes seem to check on each other, and aggressively reject any changes. If I reset them all at once...." Again, he extends a finger, this time touching the second little you on the back. She is instantly consumed, like a Logrus construct spitted on a Pattern blade. "Shit...." After a quiet moment of thought, he mutters, "I can find a way around this, I'm sure," but the look on his face doesn't exactly exude confidence.

//--Helena
The look of it does give me the thought, "Is it interference from the Pattern?"

//--Saras
A figurative light goes on in Saras' head. "That would explain several things, including what I sensed from the locked door representative artifact in the simulation. If this process was designed to tap into the minor Pattern potential Alma has, to protect her from Amberite methods for detecting shape-shifters, it would have an overwhelming storehouse of stability to draw on in someone actually attuned to the Pattern itself." His face's expression of pride at the insight quickly gives way to sympathy, and a hint of dismay. For the moment, he is clearly at a loss for a next step in your treatment.

//--Helena
I sigh and share that same weary smile with him, nodding. It just makes sense. "Well, fuck."

I stare at the little dead bits of me. "So humor me. Tell me what you would try to do, and what you think the result would be based on... that."

//--Saras
"Well...." He surveys the corpsettes a moment, his hand on his chin. "Removal doesn't seem like a valid option, unless something new comes to light. I'd say we should settle on the least intrusive settings we can find, and make do for now. Any unmanageable controls we seal off, with your locks or mine. The rest we leave alone. Tomorrow, maybe we start seeing how much of your physical form we can restore without provoking a... reaction." He turns to you, hands out slightly. "I am sorry, Helena. I haven't given up, but I won't lie and say it looks good from here."

//--Helena
Putting that aside as though I didn't hear him, I sit down on the dressing chair. "So, tell me again what each control seems to do. I don't really understand them... Why those four and not several others I can think of?

//--Saras
"Well... I think the first two govern motor nerve and muscle function efficiency, respectively. I'm not sure what their intent is; a failed boost system, perhaps? The other two make sense for a {seducer}: tailor your responses to what your target prefers, in the first case, and be able to 'maximize your harvest' when you get to your target, without wasted effort on mistakes if you have to sleep your way up to him for the second. Given the resources to make it so, what would you wish to control on an being like your entity? Maybe what you're thinking will lead me to some new line of inquiry."

//--Helena
"Shapeshifting. It obviously had that means, but... why would that not be represented? And why would the base settings be suboptimal for physical efficiency?"

//--Saras
"Perhaps shape-shifting was incompatible with its defense... but Alma shifted, albeit not with great proficiency, for years with the entity within her. As for the other... I don't know. There's little advantage in weakness, aside from perhaps lulling your opponent into overconfidence."

//--Helena
"And separately, why did the creature have those templates, those particular men it wanted to go after? Why the hell were you in that list? It knows things about you I hadn't... haven't found out yet. Not that that's so relevant to my treatment. Sorry.

//--Saras
He nods. "I understand." Then, after a few moments of collecting his thoughts on the matter, "The process I walled up; it may have been able to pick them up biochemically. With the skin connection, the sorting method... I could see it. It would be fiendishly complex, but not unfathomably so. Some of what I like - my favorite tea, for example - is a byproduct of my biochemistry. Parts of my disposition, the same. I think it's not so much that you had those targets in advance. It may be more that your body was gathering intelligence on the men you came in contact with by rote, absent any orders to the contrary. Perhaps you knew more about me because we've spent the most time together since your change."

//--Helena
"Makes sense I suppose." I frown.

"Oh, shit. I should check the news service and make sure that Jorgumandr lad is all right."

//--Saras
"If you've got a broadcast crystal around here, there's a game on tonight. It's not nearly as entertaining by voice alone, but I'm sure they'd mention if he'd gone missing or something."

//--Helena
I nod. "In the office."

//--Saras
"We could listen... later...."

//--Helena
"And if we 'restore my form,' Saras, what form would you propose?"

//--Saras
"I've seen that you are not so discomforted now, and if we are right about the levers, we may be able to make you fit again. Beyond that...." He chuckles, not really finishing the thought. "Forgive me, but a man is always on dangerous ground to comment on his lady's figure."

//--Helena
I shake my head, smiling sadly that he does not understand. "I was able to act less 'discomfitted' because of you. Because of deciding to trust in you and let what I felt... what I feel for you shine over this. The fact remains I don't want this... vessel's body. And having my own shape again? What my shape was... the place I fall back to when I relax. But every moment, every sound, each tension... all those things brought changes I could feel in a hundred ways I can't even list. That is how I lived. This form does not change on its own; hell, it doesn't change when I ask it to.

"I am not saying I cannot live like this," I search his face, trying to figure out what I can say that does not make much of my plight compared to the suffering of so many others. "I am saying that... we are talking about blindness here, about something that will change me for a long time." I wish I could show him what I used to be. There are no words.

//--Saras
"I am sorry, Helena. Shifting is a more deliberate thing for me... a tool and a privilege, but... regardless, I should have realized."

//--Helena
"You are very skilled," I reply simply and truthfully. If he'd had the base ability I was born into, he would be a great shifter indeed.

"I could petition to take the Pattern again. It has been said to drive out such things. But I may be left with the same loss your way offers me. And I know you would not let further harm come to me. That ancient design would have no such scruple."

//--Saras
"Let me... I will think of something." He draws you to him, a gentle hug, the only small comfort he can think of in his helplessness of the moment.

//--Helena
I let him comfort me a while, but not a long while. Then I sit up and I push him an arm's length away so I can look at him. "Saras, I want you to know, whatever we get out of this... I want to still have you. This has gone way too fast, but, well, we have been thrown more closely together than most people in a dozen years."

//--Saras
Softly, "The hotter the forge, the purer the metal."

//--Helena
"If I am crippled by this, and that is the best we can do, so be it. It was worth it to take this from my mother, who bore it all these years. It is worth it if I can be with you after. A life with you is worth living, and limitations I can learn to deal with.

"And I will best you at fencing, eventually, old man," I joke.

//--Saras
"I've already taught you how to beat me at {chess} once. I'm sure something like that will happen again... eventually," gently teasing. Then, more seriously, "Anything you need, I will teach what I can, gladly."

//--Helena
"If you let me I will be here to try a long time." I frown at myself, at all these extra words. "What I mean is, I love you."

//--Saras
After a moment for your words to sink in, but not so long as to have you wondering what his response might be, "I love you, too, Helena. I can only hope I've had enough centuries of forging to be worthy of you." He bends to kiss you, only just resisting the urge to sweep you into his arms and carry you back to the bed.

//--Helena
I return the kiss fully, and the desire, too, but as he draws back I say, "So, I have slept this day away while you have worked. I don't feel I can sleep again soon. What else can we do, or should we do, or should I busy myself with other work, and let you tend to those things you must do outside these Ways?"

//--Saras
"I have no desire to be away from you, but I suppose it has been long enough that my severance should be in order. I could go to Hendrake, and be back in half a Turning or so. That would let you listen to the game, check the news services, and perhaps prepare for a few rounds of Bravo when I return... strictly for testing purposes, of course," he says with a wink.

//--Helena
"Of course," I reply archly, "but I would look forward to a game."

//--Saras
"Does Loren's plan have us remaining here much longer, or are we on our way to Amber soon?"

//--Helena
"I don't feel comfortable returning to Amber while anything recognizable from the past about this body remains. But we should go as soon as we can reasonably get the changes made."

//--Saras
"If I am still fresh enough when I return, we will begin with whatever bone work you decide will be necessary, as that may take the longest to recover from. Barring any complications, we can consider muscle and soft tissue work tomorrow morning."

//--Helena
I nod a little grimly. "Do you think you can get enough of an image and feel from me like you did with the facial structure, or what other sources might you need?"

//--Saras
"Your Trump, my memories and yours... I may need to take a second look at your security footage, as the images I selected before were focused on the particulars of your face."

//--Helena
"Before you go, should we get all the 'controls' set back to neutral? I believe we left one and two minimized."

//--Saras
"We did. I think the best course would be for you to pick one to set to 95 or 100, and leave the other low. Making the adjustment now will give your body time to adapt fully, so we get a true sense of what you should be at. A contest or two when I return will confirm whether our assumptions are correct, and then we can make final determinations and changes. I can remain here while you make the changes, if you want a spotter."

//--Helena
"Yes, please. I'm a little nervous about making these changes alone."

With him observing I go in using the same process as before and slowly bring the first dial up to 95. I leave the other near minimum. Three and four are already at a median level as I recall.

//--Saras
He gives your hand a gentle squeeze when he leads you back to the bed, and reviews the entry trigger once more to set you at ease. Once you are inside, you note that the lock Saras installed has moved again, but still holds firm on the storeroom.

You feel no ill effects from the change from within the control room, and Saras has you exit with your alterations in place.

//--Helena
I do mention to him having noticed the movement of the lock.

//--Saras
"In our final arrangements, I will have you create a lock of your own. Perhaps the construct will not struggle against a self-imposed block."

//--Helena
"Ah. Okay. It's just... I thought it would be removed, and now it's definite it won't. Takes some getting used to."

//--Saras
"I understand. When we are done, I will help you make it as invisible as we can manage."

//--GM
Unless you have other plans for him, he will depart shortly after cleaning up. How will you spend your time in his absence?

//--Helena
Almost exactly as he guessed. I will check the game and news services. Then I'll call to get some contracts drawn up for Saras's services both as medic and for security (unless I did that already? I can't quite recall).

//--GM
(You were distracted by the examinations, so you should take some time with that now. Technically, you could draw up the paperwork yourself and have Loren second it.)

//--Helena
I start drawing up the contracts at least. If I have time I will get the drafts messengered to Loren's office.

//--GM
Given your eagerness to keep busy, the drafts are done and sent off for review and seconding well before Saras returns.

//--Helena
Anything of note regarding that Jorgumandr's game?

//--GM
The game is fairly low scoring, with Jesby's team winning with authority, 4-1. The defenseman in question was named player of the game, and dedicated the win to the 'cheeky blond who ditched me last night' adding, "I'd love to see you again. There'll be tickets waiting for you at the box office," before the interviewer and the coach both herd him off the recorder.

//--Helena
Finally I get a bit of a workout in, limbering up, running with Boss. I will make no attempts at shapeshifting.

//--GM
The run and the stretching reveal little change, but the workout hints at a return of your full speed. Your heavy practice blades seem particularly weighty, but not unwieldy. Without something or someone to work against, it is hard to tell more. However, after cleaning up from your exertions, you note that your skin tone has taken another half-step toward 'her' coloring, and your jaw aches occasionally.

//--Saras
Saras returns, a pair of large, waterproof sea bags in tow. "I am officially a free man; yours to do with as you see fit." He offers, but does not insist on, a kiss hello. "Any news in my absence? How did your House's team fare?"

//--Helena
After only a brief hesitation where I enjoy the feeling of being offered a hello kiss, I return it.

"By the way, this slight reversion seems to have occured while I was taking my run and working out. I suppose it may be that I am so used to making shifting adjustments while I do those things that I was trying and didn't realize. But anyway I thought I'd mention it in case it's important."

//--Saras
"As you mention it, it does seem that your face has become more 'her' since I saw you last. I will consider this against tonight's bone adjustment, and try to make a determination as to whether you can do something differently to slow or stop the regression. Speaking of tonight's agenda, do you think I should attempt a bit less this first time, to agitate your frame less, or a bit more, to make changes that will take longer to undo? No bone work in your current condition will be pleasant, so I leave it up to you how much you wish to endure, against how often we may have to readjust."

//--Helena
"I do not mean to brag, or make large of my record or experience, but I believe whatever pain attends this I can endure. If you believe a larger change will be more durable and less prone to regression... well, do what you must."

//--Saras
He sighs softly. "All right." A wan smile finds its way to his lips. "My firsthand knowledge of your pain threshold does nothing to inspire me to test it, but as you say, we should do what will accommodate and keep you best and longest."