Undertow — Blade's game log
Blade - Undertow Summary
© 2004 Chris Butz
Anticipating the upcoming 30th Anniversary celebration of Random's reign, Blade and Brent were aiding Duncan in purchasing some appropriate regalia in Blade's home shadow of Torveth. There, the three of them suffered horrific agony until Benedict stepped through a mirror portal of some kind and they all descended into unconsciousness. Upon waking, they found Benedict still unconscious and took him back to Blade's mansion to recover.
Later, Benedict awoke and informed them that he was returning to Amber to 'secure' it. Blade offered his own small military force (a special ops team in the Amber Expeditionary Army) to aid in the effort. Two or three days of extremely difficult shadow walking brought Blade and Brent to the shadow where Blade had left his team. There, both Blade and Brent were contacted by their respective fathers and brought into Amber through tenuous Trump contacts.
Once the entire family was assembled in Amber, the youngsters were told of what had transpired. The sins of the fathers were now being visited upon their children as the Pattern rejected them all. It was quickly determined that a new source of power had to be found and that previous threats to Amber had to be reexamined in light of Amber's now weakened condition. Gerard proposed to enter Osric's realm accompanied by Laertes and Meridian. He asked Blade to accompany him as well.
"You would trust me with a sword at your back?" asked Blade.
"Yes," the now-humbled Gerard replied.
"I wouldn't," was Blade's only too honest answer.
The journey was difficult and long. Along the way Meridian, sensing the strong feelings of animosity emanating from Laertes and Blade, began to play her music with the intent of soothing the intense emotions, healing wounded souls, and bridging their private worlds. As she played, things changed-more so for Laertes, who was more open to the call of the music, than for Blade, who (arguably) had been more deeply wounded by Gerard.
Laertes apologized to Blade for his jealousy toward him. Laertes had been witness to Gerard's occasional approval of Blade as a son, and, though such approval was accompanied by brutal treatment and emotional blackmail, still desired it and was jealous of Blade for having received it. Blade accepted Laertes' apology well and worked hard to make him appear as good as possible in Gerard's company wanting to ease the pain he'd inadvertently caused his cousin.
Throughout it all, however, Blade continued to nurse his deep anger toward Gerard. Meridian's music was stirring up within him memories and emotions that he had long ago shut out. Quietly, Blade endured the burgeoning flood of thought and feeling until he could contain himself no longer.
Unfortunately, the damn broke at a highly inconvenient moment-just as a company of enemy cavalry began to bear down on them. Blade turned toward Gerard as a decade of suppressed hurt and anger flowed out of him."When I was sixteen, you flogged me in front of my crew because I got the ship back two days later than you demanded! Two days! Caine himself couldn 't have kept your schedule! How could you do that to me? You humiliated me in front of my men, you son of a bitch! How could you do that to me!?!" Laertes and Meridian both seemed a little shocked at Blade's accusation andhis timing, but Gerard had clearly been expecting this for sometime now.
"I'm sorry. I was wrong. What else do you want me to say?" was his entire response. It was very unsatisfactory to Blade who was more interested in having some sort of redress for his wounds rather than a mere apology. So lost in his emotions was Blade, that he completely missed the fact that he had just received a sincere apology from an elder-something that was practically unheard of before Patternstain.
The cavalry came down upon them and demanded that the four Amberites accompany them to Osric's camp. The four complied and soon were facing a dying Osric lying upon a massive bed, surrounded by his followers and attendants. Seeing the dying man, Meridian decided to try to use the healing power of her music to revive him. The music began to course through her and then took up a life of its own as it poured itself into Osric.
At first, this appeared to be helping the old man, but it was quickly apparent that too much energy was flowing into him. Meridian could not slow the flood of power that was now coursing through her and Laertes. Noting this, Guillaume, Gerard's son raised as Osric's, moved to attack her. Blade quickly intervened and protected Meridian. After Guillaume shattered his sword on Aurynmere, he snatched up a second weapon and renewed his assault. Again, Blade fended off the attack and broke the weapon. Blade moved to sever Guillaume's hand to prevent him from launching yet another attack, but Gerard, seeing Blade's intention, stepped into the fight.
Blade quickly realized two things. The first was that Gerard was clearly intent on preventing any serious harm to his estranged son-though he did not attack Blade, he did try to block blows aimed at Guillaume. The second thing Blade noticed was that Gerard was no longer his better in personal combat. Was it an effect of Patternstain on the elders or had Blade simply trained long and hard enough to beat his foster father? Blade didn't know, but he did realize that he could kill his hated uncle here and now if he so willed.
In a flash, Blade considered his options. This was something that he had once longed for: the opportunity to slay the beast and end his hideous emotional nightmare. And yet, he could not honestly say that he really wanted Gerard's death now that there seemed a chance of healing the wounds. There was no time for a protracted debate about the issue. It took only a second for Blade to reach a decision and kick Gerard across the room and out of his way. Blade then turned his full attention back to Guillaume and shouted for Gerard to stay out of the way-Blade would not harm Guillaume.
The fight did not last much longer, however, for Meridian and Laertes finished their chorus and the full extent of Harmony's power had poured itself into Osric who had been consumed in a blinding light. Out of the brilliance emerged the Gryphon-and Osric was no more. Then, the shadow began to crumble. Using his great sword, Gerard tore a hole through the air that emptied back out into Amber. At Meridian's insistence, the evacuation of Osric's realm began. Blade supervised the process, relaying orders through Osric's interpreter as Laertes and Guillaume helped Gerard keep the portal open.
Eventually, things became too unstable in Osric's realm to hold the tear open any longer. Seeing that there were only moments left before Osric's realm collapsed entirely and took everything there with it, Blade looked up fiercely at Gerard and shouted in anger. "Don't you dare die on me, you bastard! We have unfinished business!" Gerard grunted and leapt through the portal at the last possible moment with his sons. Those who were left behind in Osric's realm at that point were lost.
Then the elders arrived and a general council was convened to discuss Amber's future in light of the fact that Random had died while Gerard and company had been in Osric's realm. Corwin proposed that a Regent be appointed for a twenty year period, followed by a new Sovereign being named from among the third generation. Gerard was nominated and the votes were cast. Not able to bring himself to actually vote for Gerard, Blade abstained.
FEELINGS TOWARD…
Benedict: Blade has a great deal of respect for Benedict's prowess and is careful not to provoke the eldest of the Amberites, but cannot fathom what is currently going through Benedict's mind. How can he possibly think that Amber can be restored to what it once was? There may be a new Amber
someday, but it will be very different from the one Benedict knew.Corwin: Blade has a love-hate relationship with Corwin. He despises Corwin's arrogance and resents being bullied by his uncle, but he also strongly identifies with (and has even been inspired by) Corwin as the primal survivor. Blade is deeply disappointed in Corwin for his suicide attempt.
Bleys: Blade hates his father for any number of reasons, but the hatred is not as deep and abiding as that he has for Gerard. In spite of his anger at Bleys for murdering his mother in front of him (a sight that has left a permanent emotional scar on Blade's psyche), Blade knows that Bleys did what
was necessary to save his son. Understanding that, however, doesn't change what Blade feels.Fiona: Blade doesn't have any strong feelings for Fiona one way or the other, though she does remind him of his mother.
Llewella: Blade doesn't know Llewella very well, but has no particular issue with her. She seems aloof from her brothers and sisters, but that could just be a charade. Nobody in this family is to be taken at face value.
Brand: Blade does not trust Brand even a little, and avoids him assiduously.
Caine: Out of all the elder Amberites, Caine is the only one Blade genuinely likes. Perhaps it is because he is the only one who has seemed to be straightforward with Blade, and who seems to accept him without Blade first proving himself worthy of acceptance. Blade understands that this may all be an act, but so far it appears to be real and has won over Blade's affections. Caine is the first elder Blade would seek out in an emergency situation.
Julian: Blade has had very little interaction with Julian and is neither well-disposed nor hostile toward him.
Gerard: What can one say about the epitome of all evil? Blade hates Gerard more than any other person in the universe. And yet, Blade still tries to impress him and earn Gerard's approval. Before Patternstain, Blade would most certainly have killed Gerard if the opportunity presented itself. While in Osric's realm, Blade actually passed up that opportunity. All he can determine from that change of heart is that, while he still hates his foster father, Blade is now hopeful that things can improve. Else, why keep him around? Gerard has always been (and probably still is) the last elder
whom Blade would go to in an emergency.Florimel: Blade has always been well-disposed toward Aunt Flora, but then what male in the family isn't? Flora hasn't ever shown any particular like or dislike for Blade, but the two of them have many topics that they share interest in (like issues of style and luxury), so they always have something to talk about.
Andrew: Not exactly the brightest bulb in the pack, is he? Are they sure he 's Fiona's? Well, now he's an avatar and he has to be dealt with. It is no longer possible to simply ignore him, as Blade would have done in times past.
Brent: Blade likes him. He always has-from the first time they met. Perhaps because of his deep respect for Brent's father. Perhaps because he witnessed Brent assail the Pattern with crippled legs and gained great respect for Brent's own will to overcome. In any case, Blade likes Brent and that hasn't changed since Patternstain.
Byron: Blade doesn't know Byron well at all, so he really doesn't have strong feelings about him.
Dartmouth: Blade generally avoids Dartmouth. Mostly because of Dartmouth's parentage. He can't say that he actually dislikes Brand's progeny, however.
Duncan: While he tried to keep his martial prowess a secret, even feigning taking lessons from Duncan as part of the act, Blade wonders if Duncan ever figured out the truth. Certainly, Duncan is a far superior warrior to Blade-something that both surprised and frightened Blade when he first
learned of it, but Blade has grown to like and trust Duncan, even if he'll never develop a fondness for Benedict.Laertes: This one is harder to define. With the recent revelation that Laertes' dislike for Blade was a product of his jealousy over the father-son relationship that Blade enjoyed (?) with Gerard, Blade now understands what stood between Laertes and himself. At the same time, Blade has a hard time
feeling sorry for someone who was bummed out because he didn't get abused as much as Blade did. That's more than a little sick.In any case, however, Laertes and Blade are beginning to get along better now that the issue of Blade's relationship with Gerard is no longer an issue. Blade feels badly for Laertes due to the latter's self-imposed despondency, so he is committed to helping Laertes build a better relationship with their father. Even so, Blade holds out little hope that the rift between Gerard and himself will ever be joined.
Meridian: Blade both likes and is somewhat in awe of Meridian. Before the journey to Osric's realm, Blade looked upon Meridian more as a little sister, feeling toward her much like he did toward Rio-a protective, older brother. Her music helped soothe the friction between Gerard and his sons, and Blade was grateful for Meridian's concern. So far, so good. But then he witnessed her birth a new power. Now, that's impressive!
While his affection for Meridian hasn't changed, Blade is amazed at the power that she has displayed. He no longer regards her as a little sister who may need his guidance and protection, yet Blade did have to defend Meridian from Guillaume while she was channeling the power of Harmony into Osric, so she is clearly not omnipotent. In any case, while she has displayed an amazing new ability and while Blade will always be fond of her, Blade knows in his heart that his path lies not with Meridian.
Rio: River is Blade's sister and will always hold a special place in his heart. While he has seen precious little of her since Patternstain, Blade knows that Bleys (and, he suspects, Caine) are looking out for his fiery sister. If there were a power called the Wyldheart that was the essence of
Primal Freedom, Rio would be it's avatar.Philip: Blade barely knows the fellow, so he has no real feelings about him, yea or nay.
DIARY
Where to begin? It is all so confused, now. The old lines have vanished and now none of us knows where we stand. I am a son of three fathers: Bleys, my biological father; Gerard, my foster father; and Corwin, my spiritual father. I hate them all and my hatred for them was a constant that guided my interactions with them. For decades, the unchanging feelings of bitterness and resentment toward these men served me well as familiar, if unwelcome, guideposts on my journey through the wilderness of my relationships with my varied fathers.Now, everything is blurred. The old, sure way of hatred is hard to find and the wind no longer blows a chill mountain wind across my path. What is one to do? Meridian has birthed a new power and it beckons forth with promises of hope, healing, and harmony. But, it does not call to me. My soul has never lived in harmony with others, but has stood firm in empty solitude against all of the forces that have railed against it. Why then, do I find myself thinking time and again of going to her and asking for healing?
Why indeed? I have lost myself. That is why. In light of the changing attitudes of my relatives and the years of hiding my true self, I have forgotten who and what I am. Corwin has made me see what I have lost. To contemplate suicide! To even consider not making it to the next day! His betrayal of himself shows me how close I may have been to forgetting my own essential nature. For too long, I have lived a soft and comfortable existence.
I seek not an escape from the pain, but the will to endure it. I look not for healing, but for scars. That which does not kill me makes me stronger. I must reawaken the primal will to survive that I have lulled to sleep. For it is this will that has brought me from the day I first drew breath to this very moment. I must find anew the power that has guided and protected me for so long before it is too late. And, I will not find it here amongst my relations. Nor will I find it in a soft bed next to a soft woman.
No, what I seek is far away within the depths of my own being. I must be away. Alone and without potential aid, facing the forces of nature and of enemies I know not-there will I rediscover the primacy of existence, the will to survive. I must leave soon. Every passing day thaws my heart
another degree. On two occasions this last week, I passed Gerard and felt the urge to speak to him. What is the point? What would I say? I know not, for these emotions Meridian has stirred up run about as wild horses and I know not where they will take me if they are not reigned in.Will I ever forgive them? Gerard and Bleys? No. Their crimes against me are too much to forgive. I do not have it within me to pardon such injuries. But time erases much. One day, perhaps, I will forget. That, I think, is as close as I will come to forgiveness, but it may be an acceptable substitute. And what of Corwin? So long my inspiration-the one who gave me life when Gerard was slowly crushing my spirit. There is nothing to forgive. His attempt on his own life has opened my eyes to my own peril. Again, I am in his debt. Though I will not tell him so.
What of the Regency? The kingship? I did not vote against Gerard, though I could not bring myself to vote for him. I doubt I ever will. But, Corwin spoke of the king being chosen from our generation. Do I have it in me? Do I even want it? Yes, I have to confess, my heart yearns for others to bow before me, if only as validation. To see Gerard before me, acknowledging me as his superior, his Sovereign-this my soul greatly desires. I would make a great king. But, would I make a good king? I cannot say yes at this time. And, until I can, until I know that I will be good, not just great, it is not for me to wield the crown.
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other writings: Background, Quiz, Blade and Rio, Undertow log, "Blade and not Rio", "Blade and Corwin", "The Promise of Power", "An Open Letter to the Family"